Boy meets girl. Boy flirts with girl. Boy gets girl. Boy continues to flirt with other girls. WTF?
From Wikipedia: Flirting or coquetry is a sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicitly sexual advances, but indirect or suggestive advances (ie., flirting) may at times be considered acceptable.
This post hit me hard today. Both my husband and I have been guilty of harmful flirting in the past. It is such an unhealthy behavior, and one I'm glad to see gone from our marriage. This is a must-read!
I have a confession to make: I am a flirt. Since I’ve been married not so much, but definitely in the beginning part of our relationship I still was. I had to stop and really think about why… what was it about the attention, the rush, the ego boost that I needed so much I disregarded my then-boyfriend’s feelings? He said it didn’t bother him, but I know it had to at some level.
I think it comes back to self-esteem issues for me. Having that reassurance that someone else thinks I’m attractive other than the person I chose gave me confidence. I was never considered pretty in school, even when I think I was, and my Dad always made fun of me for doing my hair or looking in the mirror. He made me feel really small and unworthy with his teasing, even if he didn’t mean it in a mean way. So I seek validation. And sometimes that has spilled into unhealthy, harmful flirting behavior. I was sending out “vibes” that I was still looking or interested in fun even if in my heart I was committed. So messed up.
A commenter on the original post also said something else I can relate to. She said:
“Okay, I have to admit it: I love to flirt, though my definition is considerably tamer than the definitions you include in your post. I would never send texts or emails or anything like that, much less compose poems or send small gifts. And I’ve never learned the art of batting my eyes. But engage with a man, tease him a bit, enjoy some mildly suggestive banter? You bet!”
That’s almost exactly the description of how I flirt. The other stuff like emails, gifts, etc. is more like an affiar in my mind than flirting. I am guilty of teasing, though… That was my flirtation of choice.