Step 2 was probably the most difficult for me to reconcile at first as an atheist and a control freak.
I like the atheist version, “Came to believe and to accept that a power within myself in tandem with supports and strengths beyond my own awareness and resources can restore me to a healthier, more balanced, and positive state of mind, body and soul.”
Perfectionism makes us this scared little kid who needs to fix things no matter what. Although we know we can’t be perfect, when other people show themselves to be imperfect, we make them pay for their imperfections.
Letting go in Step 2 means admitting “I am fucked up.” Then we can find a power outside of ourselves help us.
One difficult thing about Step 2 is admitting the insanity. We tend to see them as the problem, as the insane one. However, we have to recognize our part in things. Sanity is the peace that you can get through surrender.
Step 2 helps us to see our character flaws and how they interact with other’s flaws to create mayhem.
Using the term Higher Power instead of God can help us reconcile the hurts and disappointments and preconceived notions about “god” and what that really means. Our childhood notion of god is often very skewed.
For me as an atheist, it is about recognizing that life and the world is full of wisdom and experience and knowledge beyond myself. Part of my higher power is recognizing fate and the inherent mystery and wonder that life can offer if you let it come as it will.
This step goes hand in hand with the obstacles. Every part of this program compliments another part of it.
The definition of what a higher power looks like varies from person to person. The main aspect is that it is outside of yourself and your control. Its not about having the same HP as everyone else. There is no fear of being the “outcast” here. It’s about the process of getting from A to B.
This step is not about religion. It is about connecting to something outside of ourselves. It is also, paradoxically, about knowing that your higher power is accessible, is always right inside of you.
Often those of us with control issues will say, “By the time I explain to you how to do it, I could have just done it myself.” We also tend to carry that over into our higher power – thinking if we give up control then things won’t turn out the way they should. We feel the need to coordinate it all instead of letting go. The fear is that if we don’t coordinate it all things won’t turn out the way we want them to. The reality is that all of our coordinating won’t change anything.
Step 2 is about trust. It’s about trust that things will be what they need to be. Trust that since there can be no controlling life, we need to let go and enjoy the ride. It is also about realizing that there is no choice other than to do that.