H goes out of town frequently for business. He usually departs early on Sundays and returns late on Wednesdays. Last week he decided to tack-on another trip, in a city on the other side of the country.
Sure. That's okay. I'll stay here with the kids while you go hop around the country. As usual. Yeah, I know you're working. And we've never had money for me to go along with you (not that I would now!), and it's hard finding someone to babysit seven kids (of course, now two of them are legal adults and one doesn't even live at home anymore).
When she talked about giving your everything to someone, only to have them give you barely anything except lies in return, I was nodding my head, remembering that pain. When she spoke of the embarrassment, especially this line -
"I was the blind idiot who’d made it my life’s mission to be your number-one cheerleader and help you boost your career..."- I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about. When she mentioned second-guessing herself when she knew there was something wrong, yet being fed yet more lies, I could unfortunately relate on a deep level. When she talked about her anger and urge to break ribs and cause as much physical pain as he inflicted emotionally, since he seems to have a lack of empathy or any ability to understand what he has put her through, I wanted to cheer. These lines are haunting:
"I need you to feel the pain that I feel, the pain that you’ve caused me — that is, if, someday, you ever become capable of feeling emotions like this. Like you’re strapped to a table, inexplicably and hideously alive, simultaneously witnessing and feeling the bloody, stabbing-death of your own happiness. And the Hollow Empty that’s left in its absence."
And finally, the wonderful realization at the end that she needs to cut her losses and let go of that anger to finally move on... It filled me with such hope and peace for her. The reality of our situations, the truth that we have to face is that "he is not who or what I want/need him to be!" There is such freedom with those realizations. Accepting those things, acknowledging our pain and brokenness, then moving on with our heads held high is simply beautiful.