I am so excited!!! Today I got the ball rolling on my official name change. Sure, I could wait until April when the divorce is final, but I really, really don’t want to. It is time to get rid of his name! When I left the circuit court this afternoon after turning in my forms and paying the $41, I was smiling like a fool. I wanted to run around laughing and skipping and acting like a little kid who just got out of school for the summer. I restrained myself (barely), although there might have been a skip or two in my step. :)
This is one more thing on the journey to being the new me. Mr. Mess is also coming by tonight (if he shows) to pick up the last of his things from my house. That means as of tonight I should have nothing left in my house that belongs to him or that he could even lay claim to (I discovered he plans to take a night stand and camping gear we purchased together, which I’m just giving him to avoid any conflict). Then in as little as 2-3 business days I could be rid of his name, too. That’s real progress! I see a light at the end of this tunnel!
Last night I hung out with a bunch of friends at a Panera. We all caught up on our various situations, chatted, ate good food, and admired the new baby girl one of them brought along (she is 5 months old and seriously could be the new Gerber baby… so adorable!). As I was talking about the separation and impending divorce I couldn’t help but have a huge grin on my face. It was so funny how basically all of them confirmed that if they were in my shoes they would have been long gone ages ago. I told them that maybe I should have been, but at least this way I know that I did everything I could and then some. I have no regrets, just peace that this is the right path for me to be on.
Another friend asked me now that things are over with my husband, what have I learned about myself to keep me from going down this same path with another guy? There was a chorus of “good question” remarks all around. I thought about it for a bit, and gave several answers. One is that I now know what I need, and I will not accept anything less. I’m not going to fall into the “savior” trap – where I want to rescue someone from bad circumstances or show them what love can offer to heal them. Nope. I’m also not looking for someone to “complete me.” I want someone who is already complete, and I want to be complete all on my own. I want someone that compliments me, has something to offer, and takes care of their business (and me).
I have gained so much – I am a different person that I was, which is evident just from reading through this blog. I’m so ready to emerge out of this darkness into the wide open spaces beyond!