My Dad and I are going through a divorce at the same exact time. He was blind-sided and left, my poor relationship dragged on and on way past its expiration date. Still, we are using the same lawyer (my recommendation) and navigating some of the same waters at the same time (separation agreements, tax preparation, etc.).
I just spent an hour on the phone with him. It was really nice to talk to him, even though the subject wasn’t all that pleasant. He understands how difficult it is not to have control over something that means so much to you. It’s hard to see someone you used to love (and currently do in my Dad’s case) make decisions that will most likely turn out very poorly for them. But there’s nothing we can do about it.
We cannot control anyone else. Their behavior, even the self-destructive kind, is theirs to make. They want to rack up debt and pay only minimums? Their decision. They want to wallow in addiction? Their decision. They want to walk away from the best thing they’ve ever had? Their decision. They want to lash out in anger and act irrationally? Their decision. Nothing we can do about it.
He’s accepting it. I already have. It was a difficult journey to get there. He’s going through that right now. I wish there was more that I could do to support him. For now, my words are the only comfort I have to offer him.