When You “Just Know”

29 Sep

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My last post included the tidbit that I’m in love with Tony.  I spoke the words out loud just shy of two weeks after meeting him.  That would have felt fast to me before.  This time I could barely hold out that long.  There was no doubt in my mind when I said it, either.  I was, and am, certain.

It’s hard to explain how I can be so sure so fast, especially to people who have known me for a while. I’ve fallen in love before, or at least felt romantic love for someone, but it was a gradual process – not like “falling” at all. I now know what that phrase means for the first time.

If you had asked me six months ago if it was possible to truly be in love after two weeks, I probably would have laughed, or at least said it wasn’t likely. I always thought that love had to develop slowly over time. I wasn’t shy about sharing that belief, either. Anything else, in my mind, was just lust. Or delusion. Or infatuation.

I told my sister, more than once if I recall correctly, that she couldn’t possibly be “in love” yet. I made fun of Taylor Swift and her new “love” every 5 seconds. I still believe that real love is rare, not something you can find with every stray guy who crosses your path. I have also discovered that love is powerful, though. It can grab you in an instant, overpower you, and bury itself deep.

I understand a lot of things now that I didn’t before. I’m sure you’ve heard the cliché that you “just know” when you find the person you’re supposed to be with.  That “knowing” feeling is something I never believed in, either. How could you know something like that? There’s no way to predict the future. I thought that maybe, as time passed, it was possible to make an educated guess about whether a relationship could work out long-term. But I had never experienced certainty, “knowing,” or an overwhelming feeling that another person was “it.” I denied that existed because I couldn’t fathom it.

All of those beliefs have been blown out of the water. It is possible to feel love – real, deep, consuming, mature, developed love – in a relatively short amount of time. There is an accelerated process that hardens and cures love, like a kiln, and the heat between two people can set it in motion. The “knowing” is a quiet certainty that you don’t want to let the other person out of your life. It’s being sure that you’ve found something exceptional and right that must be held tight.

I’ve got that with Tony. Even in the hours before met him, there was an easiness to our jokes that was exciting. I was hit by the thought that this could be very special as I was sitting across from him the first time.  In the days that followed, even before I saw him again, I found myself opening up and sharing all sorts of things. There was electricity in the air on our second date. Every touch was charged, while feeling familiar at the same time.  It wasn’t just that I was comfortable with him.  It was something more.  Something deeper. I had the sense that there was no need to pretend or put up a front about anything with him.

Almost since the moment he held me in his arms, he has felt like home. Every new thing I discovered about him has clicked into place – like he was made for me and vice versa.  We just fit. He accepts who I am now, and I accept and love him just the way he is. At the same time, he challenges me to be better with his mere presence in my life. Like the song below, this new love feels like something I’ve known forever, and I’m sure he will keep surprising me. That’s how I know.

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7 Responses to “When You “Just Know””

  1. Lynette d'Arty-Cross September 29, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    I’m very happy for you!

  2. divorcedandsingleblog September 30, 2013 at 5:27 am #

    That’s so lovely!

  3. loneyheart September 30, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    So happy for you. And yes I believe that love can come in an instant. That being at ease with another person is a special and wonderous thing. Live every moment as if it were your last breath. Lots of unending love.

  4. WilliamBilly Shears October 2, 2013 at 7:46 am #

    Your blog is excellent and I have followed it for a long time. Without wanting to be negative you may be going through what I call “the transitional relationship….” and it may be the real thing and it may be 1 or 2 year window to help you heal. Just a thought……

    • beautifulmess7 October 2, 2013 at 8:35 am #

      If you’re not trying to be negative, then I’m not sure of your purpose. Did you feel the need to exercise your armchair psychologist degree? Or maybe you’re just one of those people who is like I used to be – completely jaded. Possibly you think you’re “saving” me from getting too involved or attached in a healthy, honest, and loving relationship. No matter your actual purpose, excuse me if I disregard your highly uninformed opinion.

  5. Anonymous October 14, 2013 at 10:52 pm #

    I just have to comment because your reply to Billy Shears was a bit harsh and super defensive. He said your blog was excellent then commented that you ‘may’ be experiencing ‘X’- just a thought. I don’t find what he said to be negative, only cautionary, and I think you owe him an apology. I too, have enjoyed your blog, and that response seems out of character for you. I have a psychology degree and his comment was valid. You even point out in your post that you would’ve shared in that skepticism prior to your latest experience so I would think you would appreciate that point of view and not react so strongly. No one is saying what you are feeling isn’t valid and honest and quite possibly something that will develop into a love that endures for decades to come or that you shouldn’t trust in it. Clearly from a psychological standpoint, it seems rushed and could ‘technically’ be classified as infatuation but there is nothing negative about that. I’ve seen many cases of infatuation serving as the foundation for a healthy, fulfilling, and long lasting love. My parents, married after only 6 months, are still together 45 years later. I only comment as a way of pointing out this perspective because people who love and care for you may show similar concerns, just as you did with your sister, and you should consider that they are just looking out for you- not trying to bring you down.

    • beautifulmess7 October 15, 2013 at 9:57 am #

      No one who cares about me and have met him and seen us together have any concerns. Furthermore, it’s pretty ballsy to come onto someone’s blog and start demanding apologies.

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