Moving On (And In)

14 Nov

It’s been nearly a month since my last post.  I’m still around and reading other people’s blogs, but I’ve found that there’s not much left for me to add to my own.  This chapter of my life is closed.  I no longer have a burning need to write so that I can process.  I don’t have unspoken words and tumbling thoughts weighing me down anymore.  I don’t need to put my feelings on paper to sort through them.  I’m happy, but more than that, I’m content and secure.

I’ve been blogging here for over a year and a half.  I came to WordPress with no purpose or goal, no expectations, and no clue what I was doing.  Slowly I gathered followers and found other people writing about infidelity and its devastating effects.  Many of the people who started blogging at the same time as me have slowly disappeared.  Some said goodbyes, others vanished with no word, and a few are still around typing away.  I’ve decided that I’m now part of the first group: it’s time for me to close up shop and move on.

This blog will remain open.  I still get emails and comments from readers nearly daily, and I will continue responding.  My stats tell me that somewhere around 800 people are reading each day.  I have nearly 200,000 unique hits since my journey began.  I’m still amazed that many people would take the time to read even a portion of this little snapshot of my life.  I am honored and get a bit emotional when something I’ve written has actually helped someone come to a realization, make a decision, feel better about him or herself, feel understood, or otherwise be positively affected.

Thank you

You all have positively affected my life in many ways, too.  All 635 of my followers, in one way or another.  Some of you have been pillars of strength and reason and wisdom for me.  Many of you have shared deeply personal stories and experiences that helped me understand my own.  I’ve laughed along with you, been moved to tears by comments, and come to many realizations.  I found acceptance, validation, and hope through some of my darkest moments and times when there didn’t seem to be any good choices.  I learned that I wasn’t alone.  I made lifelong friends.  Every single “Like” and follow gave me confidence and a sense of belonging that I didn’t have before.

Maybe it sounds silly to get all of that from a blog.  And from virtual strangers from all over the world sitting behind a computer, on a phone, or otherwise connected to this great web of communication called the internet.  I did, though.  In a strange way that I can’t quite explain, writing this, telling my story, working through my feelings in the “open,” and relating to others through comments here and on other blogs caused me to know myself in a way I never had.  It crystalized my feelings about myself: who I am, what I need, and how I want to live my life.  For that, I can’t thank you all enough.

This blog has helped me discover myself and what I want so effectively that I no longer need it.  Instead of a required outlet it has become an afterthought.  Worse, it sometimes feels like a drain – I just don’t have the time or inclination to keep it up.  Rather than feel guilty or obligated (due to my people-pleasing nature) and limping along with half-hearted posts, I would like to make a graceful exit.  Well, as graceful as I can manage.  ;)

I will, however, leave you with one final update.  This move away from my blog coincides with another move: in with Tony.  It will be a gradual process, but it has already started.  I’ve got (almost literally) mountains of things to sort through at my house - pictures, movies, nicknacks, household items, multiple dressers and closets (and part of a room) full of clothes that have accumulated for decades, and more.  Thankfully, things can move at a leisurely pace because I will be renting some space in my house to my sister.  Rather than worry about getting rid of old furniture, moving in one weekend, or having to sell, I can focus on the warm fuzzies and enjoy the process.  I’ve already got my own closet and towel rack, all of my necessities, and I’m filtering things in as I have the time, inclination, and desire.  More importantly, I’ve got a warm bed to sleep in every night with an amazing man who I love (and who loves me) very, very much.  What more could a girl want?

moving-snoopy2

 

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26 Responses to “Moving On (And In)”

  1. HopefulSorrow November 14, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

    So very happy for you! Big hug!

  2. Dotta Raphels November 14, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

    Will surely miss you, but happy you are in a really good place now. Good luck friend and may good winds follow you still.

  3. Camille November 14, 2013 at 9:08 pm #

    Thank you so much for writing this blog, it has made me feel so not alone. I have posted a link to a forun I participate on for porn addiction and the partners of porn/sex addicts because this has been such a wonderful thing for me to read and I know others will be able to relate as well. You story has had so many things exactly the same as what I have had to deal with, right down to the medical claims. When I first started reading I was thinking in my head “oh god, this is scary our lives are the same”. You are a wonderful and amazing person. I hope one day I get to where you are now, so happy for you.

    • beautifulmess7 November 14, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      Comments like that are the reason I will keep this blog up as long as possible. It’s eerie how similar the stories and experiences are of women who find themselves caught up with that sort of man. At first I thought I was all alone, but this blog helped me realize that wasn’t true. It also helped me find a voice so others can know they aren’t alone, either.

  4. pomlad5 November 14, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your life with us. I absolutely love your blog and waited eagerly for every new entry of yours. I am from Slovenia, Europe, and your word spreads. There is a huge group of betrayed women in this world.
    I am soooo happy for you and your newly found love. I wish you all the happiness there is in the world. I am sad, too, that you are leaving, but I understand.
    Take care, I will surely miss you like hell.

    • beautifulmess7 November 15, 2013 at 7:51 am #

      Wow. Thank you. Sadly, you are right that there is a huge amount of betrayed women in the world. I appreciate your kind words and knowing that I’ve got a friend in Slovenia.

  5. omtatjuan November 14, 2013 at 11:12 pm #

    We want to hear about your new best friend. It’s all about healing. You have so much to say!

    • beautifulmess7 November 15, 2013 at 8:16 am #

      I find that I don’t, though. I’ve got too much living to do. This blog feels like my past and now I’m focused on my future.

      • omtatjuan November 15, 2013 at 8:24 am #

        Then more power to you! Good luck! You deserve good things!

  6. bombladoze November 15, 2013 at 4:30 am #

    its awesome seeing people move on, it should be sad but its not… you did what you had to do, got it all out, and came out the other side… congrats honey! all the best! you deserve it!

  7. sonisagra November 15, 2013 at 4:32 am #

    You are a big inspiration to women who want to leave, but don’t know how. You are doing it! You have a whole new beautiful life waiting for you! Happiness to you.

    • beautifulmess7 November 15, 2013 at 8:39 am #

      The biggest hurdle to overcome was my fear. That and letting go of the fantasy that he would change and be what I need. Possibly the most important thing that I learned is you can’t change people. They are who they are, and you can accept that and them as they are or not.

      I’m happy that I have found someone who is just right for me exactly as he is now. I can hardly wait to see what’s ahead for us, but I’m going to be patient and enjoy every delicious moment. Then we can change together, naturally, as we grow old with each other.

  8. loneyheart November 15, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

    hugs and well wishes. I am almost at that point myself. I know I will keep writing but the venue will change. But this chapter has almost come to its end. And like you it seems fitting to let it go. to leave it there for a time and them to surrender it to the universe.
    I hope you find continued happiness and love

    • beautifulmess7 November 15, 2013 at 12:51 pm #

      I hope so, too. I am not sure if I will start another blog or not. For now I don’t feel the need. But maybe one day. I do enjoy commenting and sharing and reading what others have to say, so I won’t disappear completely. But this seems like a good place to say farewell to this chapter of my life.

  9. The "ME" Project November 15, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

    I am sad to see you go, but so very happy to see you closing this chapter of your life. I felt your pain, dear, and you deserve all the happiness you have found. I knew that you would. I felt better thinking we were friends on facebook, but I don’t know if we still are?! Either way, doll, best of luck in all of your endeavors. In closing, I would just like to say this: I highly encourage you to continue to write, even if you start a new blog with a new title, or keep a journal personally…something! You have a gift that lots of “writers” wish they had, plus the ability to organize your thoughts and stick to a theme, and your point, both things I struggled with in my blog all the time. You have a great voice, don’t deprive us all of hearing what you have to say…just say different stuff, now. I mean, if you want to. I know, I know, look who’s talking, right? Well, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you! And I am crazy and have issues, so I have an excuse! Plus, I want to hear all the details of your new life! Well, whatever you decide to do, my feelings are the same- glad as hell you made it to where you are. Congrats!

    • beautifulmess7 November 15, 2013 at 3:39 pm #

      Thanks sweet lady. Your blog post was the inspiration for my very first real post. I don’t known if you remember that massive comment I left you, but it was in that moment I realized that I did have something to say. And that getting it out felt great. As far as I know we are still Facebook friends, and I plan to keep it that way. If I ever get the urge to gush about my happiness, I’ll know where to find you. ;)

  10. oceanswater November 15, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

    So long sweet friend…take good care of yourself!

  11. Ann St Vincent November 16, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    It’s wonderful to hear that this journey blogging has helped you so much. I’m just at the beginning of mine. All the best with your new chapter.

  12. Aussa Lorens November 19, 2013 at 10:56 am #

    Aw, well we will miss you out here in the blogging world, but your reasons make sense :)

  13. TheOWDiaries November 22, 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    Wishing you all the best!! xo

  14. kels December 15, 2013 at 12:54 am #

    After searching for help with relationship issues i came across thia site. My problems may not be as drastic ive talked to many people and I know that I had to communicate better with my feelings and begin again by taking care of myself and finding something to do. I just need to create a new outlet, Ivve thought of blogging but dont know how I was wondering if you could give me pointers. Thanks for reading this email kels

  15. LAR January 18, 2014 at 6:02 am #

    I just found you but want to thank you for sharing your journey in which I am just starting out! Wishing you the best.

    • beautifulmess7 January 18, 2014 at 8:07 am #

      Thank you! I hope you find peace and happiness.

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