12 Apr

I am feeling very uninspired.  I have a lot of days like that now.  This blog and SI have been fueling my energy and giving me a place to channel my feelings.  But today I’m back to just being “blah.”  I started some anti-depression meds this morning after talking with my doctor yesterday.  I know they aren’t “happy pills,” but the doctor did say it should be like a lightbulb slowly turning back on in the next few weeks.  I’m looking forward to that.  I could use a little light in my life.

It’s funny sometimes how I can come across exactly what I need to get me through a tough moment.  I was browsing around on www.survivinginfidelity.com.  I hadn’t made any posts today or replied to anyone.  Even though there are always painful topics and a lot of emotions from women in various stages of this terrible process I normally feel validation and solidarity connecting with people and offering support where I can.  A lot of times I can pull myself out of a funk by taking strength from women who have dealt with so much more than me and are still giving it everything they have.  Today I was just feeling deflated.

Until I came across a post from a woman who shared that she finally went to her doctor and got antidepression medication 2 weeks ago.  I don’t want to violate her privacy, so I will mainly share how her post made me feel and my personal reactions.  I immediately connected with what she was saying.  I was hesitant to ask for help for a long time.  At first I thought these emotions were something I needed to work through and really feel (which they are).  Then when the sad didn’t go away or seem to get better I thought it was something I was doing wrong.  I felt a lot like this is something I should be able to deal with on my own.  Even though I knew I made the right decision to talk to my doctor and he shed a lot of light onto things for me yesterday I still had a nagging doubt that maybe the whole problem is that I’m just not strong enough.

I’m happy to say that I don’t feel that way anymore.  Thanks SI and all the women there who share their feelings.  You’ve come through again for me when I needed it.  I hope to be able to report in a few weeks that I am feeling much better and more motivated.  I do have to quote one section from the post because it is terribly inspiring and I agree completely.

“I love my husband. I always have. I am truly trying to see him now as the man who loves me and not just the man who made a horrible mistake and did this to me. Wish me luck.”


3 Responses to “Unispired”

  1. Tatters April 13, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    This is the first time I’ve ever been on ADs. I’ve always been very resistant to them before. But when I was unable to stop sobbing for days, when the anxiety would overwhelm me and I couldn’t get it under control… I knew I needed help. I’ve been on them about a month and a half now and it has helped so much. I still cry. I had a good crying jag last night, in fact. So I’m not numb. But I’m not overwhelmed, either. It’s a relief! I hope they work for you, too.

    • beautifulmess7 April 13, 2012 at 11:58 am #

      Thanks for the support! I hope its the same for me.

  2. coachyourspirit April 12, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    For me read, write and write again even when you dont feel like writing. And diet is so important keep up your veggies and fruits really basic but important. Get to your local healthfoodstore and seek advice on supplements that work with your medication.xx

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