I am feeling very uninspired. I have a lot of days like that now. This blog and SI have been fueling my energy and giving me a place to channel my feelings. But today I’m back to just being “blah.” I started some anti-depression meds this morning after talking with my doctor yesterday. I know they aren’t “happy pills,” but the doctor did say it should be like a lightbulb slowly turning back on in the next few weeks. I’m looking forward to that. I could use a little light in my life.
It’s funny sometimes how I can come across exactly what I need to get me through a tough moment. I was browsing around on www.survivinginfidelity.com. I hadn’t made any posts today or replied to anyone. Even though there are always painful topics and a lot of emotions from women in various stages of this terrible process I normally feel validation and solidarity connecting with people and offering support where I can. A lot of times I can pull myself out of a funk by taking strength from women who have dealt with so much more than me and are still giving it everything they have. Today I was just feeling deflated.
Until I came across a post from a woman who shared that she finally went to her doctor and got antidepression medication 2 weeks ago. I don’t want to violate her privacy, so I will mainly share how her post made me feel and my personal reactions. I immediately connected with what she was saying. I was hesitant to ask for help for a long time. At first I thought these emotions were something I needed to work through and really feel (which they are). Then when the sad didn’t go away or seem to get better I thought it was something I was doing wrong. I felt a lot like this is something I should be able to deal with on my own. Even though I knew I made the right decision to talk to my doctor and he shed a lot of light onto things for me yesterday I still had a nagging doubt that maybe the whole problem is that I’m just not strong enough.
I’m happy to say that I don’t feel that way anymore. Thanks SI and all the women there who share their feelings. You’ve come through again for me when I needed it. I hope to be able to report in a few weeks that I am feeling much better and more motivated. I do have to quote one section from the post because it is terribly inspiring and I agree completely.
“I love my husband. I always have. I am truly trying to see him now as the man who loves me and not just the man who made a horrible mistake and did this to me. Wish me luck.”