Today at lunch I got what I needed – time to talk with my Mom. She is so wise. She puts things in perspective. She has the ability to empathize and see all sides of a situation. I am truly lucky beyond belief to have her as my mother. Some people never have someone so insightful, loving, encouraging, and warm in their lives.
Somewhere in the midst of my conversation with her I realized that I was hungry. I ate an apple, cheese, and a few crackers. It wasn’t the most nutritional thing in the world, but it wasn’t complete and utter junk, either. My nausea disappeared. A sense of peace came over me. I realized that there is a lot I will have to keep processing, but I will be fine.
I have wanted to share the gifts of the S-Anon program for a while. Today the urge was overwhelming. I read the passages in my little green book. I thought about what it means for me. I am trying to hold onto those truths and let them work in my life.
In the below passage, I think of the recovery process (therapy, connecting emotionally, growing, changing, etc.) as my “Higher Power.” Instead of “God” or some invisible entity, I think of the care of the collective wisdom and resources of those who have searched before me. I think of MY 11th step, which is – “Make a genuine effort to maintain a positive attitude and remain honest with myself when tracing the root of my troubles. Continue to think for myself and not be easily led, but seriously consider the input of others.”
This is what I’m focusing on today:
GIFTS OF THE S-ANON PROGRAM
When we approach the process of recovery with honesty, openmindedness, and willingness to apply the principles of the Twelve Steps to our lives, we will soon begin to see the rewards. We will become able to surrender our self-defeating behavior. We will find that we have the strength and insight to make good choices for ourselves. Our ability to act positively for our health, families, jobs, and bank accounts will amaze us. We will find that others are doing things for themselves, which we though we had to do for them. Our ability to give and receive love will expand tremendously, and we will become increasingly available for loving relationships with others. We will recover the feeling of joy. We will become more honest with ourselves and experience a new comfort in our intimate relationships. We will feel the security that arises from true fellowship with others in the program, knowing that we are loved and accepted just as we are. Feelings of failure and inadequacy will be replaced by self-confidence and independence of spirit. We will no longer expect other people to provide us with an identity or a sense of self-worth. We will find the courage to be true to ourselves. We will know peace of mind and feel a stronger connection with the Higher Power of our understanding, and our Hope will turn to faith that God is really working in our lives, as we explore the wonders of serenity, dignity, and emotional growth.
Besides realizing that they really need to add more paragraph breaks to that passage, typing it out has been a great experience. Reading it again on my own gave me a sense of serenity. We read that and a few other readings aloud at each meeting. I have taken more time recently to really look at what they are saying and determine how I feel about it all. I have never been one to “follow the crowd,” I never thought slogans would be the least bit useful to me, and a younger version of myself probably would have made a gagging gesture at the hopeful, syrupy tone and promise that just following the steps could make your life better.
I still have a little of that skepticism inside me, but I also have a sense that those words are meaningful. Syrupy or not, they have power. I have also seen some of the gifts manifest themselves in my life already. I want more of that serenity.
- My First S-Anon Meeting & Making My Own Happiness (beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com)
- Is S-Anon for me? (ifhappyeverafterdidexist.wordpress.com)
- Our Boundary Agreement (beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com)
- I have 9 months…and 12 days (chipinmyheart.wordpress.com)
- Who can I turn to in a crisis? (soulsnet.com)