I’m Still Here and I’m Doing Great

28 Nov

I have heard from some of you that are concerned about me.  I am still here, and I’m doing great.  I have taken a bit of a break from this blog for several reasons.

First, and most importantly, now that I have made the decision that this marriage is beyond the point of saving it’s like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  All of the angst and turmoil and second-guessing is just gone.  Vanished.  I don’t have a pressing need to blog about all of this because my mind is free and clear.

Another thing is that I’ve been busy living my life.  I’m taking karate and kick boxing, and I try to go every night (if possible, and if I can motivate myself).  I have been doing more with my family.  I’ve been focusing on my music – singing, practicing, making a little money at it, and even tuning up my guitar again.  I’m going on a retreat this weekend with a bunch of women from S-Anon.  I’ve been working around my house, doing all sorts of things that my husband was too lazy to do.  I take all three of my dogs on walks around the neighborhood (separately to give myself a little more exercise).  It’s been great.

Finally, I’m pretty sure my husband is still an email follower of my blog.  I would rather not give him a window into my life and my heart and my mind anymore.  He had his chance at that, and he threw it away.

So, if you don’t hear from me as much, take it as a good sign.  Know it means that I’m moving on, having fun, and living my life.  Breathe a sigh of relief for me that the lying, deceit, and drama are now (mostly) gone from my day-to-day world.  Sure, there will be hurdles and bumps along the way until my divorce is final in April.  I’m just in countdown mode right now, though.  There is no more indecision, doubt, or worry in my life.  Just happiness, growth, self-confidence, and a deep peace of mind.

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20 Responses to “I’m Still Here and I’m Doing Great”

  1. Samantha Baker November 29, 2012 at 10:14 am #

    I know how to stalk you…but I’m still glad to read this.

  2. The "ME" Project November 29, 2012 at 10:08 am #

    I have decided that I am going to start a NEW blog about what I’m doing now, with my freedom. I think this is a really exciting time for me, even though it’s sad. I would encourage you to consider doing the same thing- this could also be helpful to the same women who have followed you all along. Just an idea.
    Once again, it is so funny to me how similar our paths have become. We even picked very similar pictures for our most recent blog. That jumping for joy pic pretty much sums up my feelings about things, about 70% of the time.
    Whatever you do, please don’t stop writing. i look forward to your blog more than almost anyone else’s.
    Love you, girl! You should come out to California next fall, I’ve invited Bennie, too- it could be a blog buddy’s meet up! Think about it!

  3. rocksforbrains November 29, 2012 at 6:56 am #

    Glad that you are doing well:)

  4. rgonaut November 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm #

    Nothing you can do about people reading your public blog excepting not caring. If you truly have made the choice you won’t care. I know that’s a bit harsh, but he can read your blog without following can’t he? So in a manner of thinking he’s actually being courteous letting you know that he does read….
    So why do you care?
    I certainly don’t really care if my OW follows my blog, or just reads it, or not at all. However even as I write this I’m not entirely honest because it would probably subtly rattle me from time to time, and I might avoid saying certain things just like I would if my wife read my blog. Of course I have no hard feelings toward the OW or reasons for worry as you may have toward Mr M at the moment. But still as a principle I have no right to care.

    One more question: if he had a blog about his troubles and tribulations would you be able to keep yourself from reading it?

    • beautifulmess7 November 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm #

      He signed up to be an email follower way back when. He hardly ever read my posts… Usually just moved them to another folder unread or even just deleted them. Now and then when a title caught his eye, he might read. For the most part, he just didn’t seem to care enough to take the time. He certainly has never read all of my posts.

      The reason that I am cautious now is mostly because of the divorce. It’s not that I have anything to hide so much as I just feel finally free of his influence on my life. If he wants to come read this public blog, he can. I’m not going to hide it or go private because I want other women in similar situations to be able to find help and resources and support. However, the idea of my private thoughts and feelings going directly to his inbox makes me feel skeevy now. Plus, I doubt he would take the time to come check here otherwise. Yes, he is THAT lazy.

      If he had a blog I definitely would be able to not read it. Believe me. I’m very done. Plus, that’s pretty much a moot point because he doesn’t care enough about all of this to take the time to write it down by hand, much less figure out how a blog works. It would be way too little, way too late, and I don’t need his drama and self-pity and lying in my life anymore.

      • rgonaut November 28, 2012 at 11:35 pm #

        Ok. Yes if the divorce is contentious you shouldn’t post things here about it. One other thing: You could be mean ( maybe just fair) and take back the car. I’d not want him using it if it was in my name so either transfer it to his, or take it back. Its yours under law and you could be liable for him. Got insurance that covers him as a driver?

        • beautifulmess7 November 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm #

          Yeah, I know… Believe me I have considered it. I want to talk to my lawyer a little bit more about it first, but if that payment is even a day late, he will not have access to it anymore! The car insurance still has him under the policy. There are 3 things right now that need to be taken care of to have our finances completely separated – the car, the car insurance, and the cell phone (he is still on my plan).

          • rgonaut November 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

            You are wise. Talk to your lawyer. Be always reasonable but firm. Sometimes emotions can run high and before you know it reasonableness goes out the window and it can become mutually destructive warfare. Avoid that. Afford him and yourself dignity. But be firm and when you feel you are losing reason.. Blog or talk to someone who can give you an honest and less biased opinion than you yourself can. I hope your H does the same.

    • rgonaut November 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

      I’m still not being honest. If the OW read or followed my blog I’d feel that she cared at some level and that’s OK because its not threatening like it could be in your situation. If your H was the kind of guy who would write he’d be a different person so its really hypothetical if you would be able to not read his since he just wouldn’t have one right?

  5. wallybear12 November 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    All that is gone your living the life I used to have and want back….
    I’m happy for you
    and appreciate your updates on how good you are doing.

  6. Our Journey After His Affair November 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

    There is a way to check to see if he is still following:
    1) when you are on your dashboard, click the Stats tab
    2) scroll down until you see the Followers section. In that box you will see Followers then a large number below it for Blog. Click on that link.
    3) Perhaps this link will take you to yours: http://wordpress.com/#!/my-stats/?blog_subscribers
    4) If not, it will show you the wordpress.com followers and a tab for email followers. Click that one and it will show you the email addresses subscribed to your blog

    You’re welcome!

    Glad to hear you are doing so good.

    • beautifulmess7 November 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

      Thanks! Yes that linked worked, and yes he is still an email follower. I don’t guess there’s anything I can do about that…?

      • Our Journey After His Affair November 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm #

        Nope 😦

        http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/removedelete-email-followers?replies=2

        • beautifulmess7 November 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

          Oh well… Thanks for looking.

          • Our Journey After His Affair November 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

            Not a problem. You could make it private like I did before and people would have to request to follow. That way you can still blog without filtering whenever you need to.

            • beautifulmess7 November 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

              Yeah… I briefly considered that, then rejected the idea. I don’t want to hide this journey and the resources for other women in a similar situation.

              • Our Journey After His Affair November 29, 2012 at 8:25 am #

                That’s why I rejected the idea, too.

      • Stacia November 29, 2012 at 7:02 am #

        you can’t. And even IF he decided to not follow, he can still access by the lovely WWW. It’s a public forum and anyone can read. I have had the same issue with my ex and he and his ex wife still read, and it’s a tough thing. They are idiots (my ex anyway!!!) and moving on when they are still an addict/asshole and having them read your “new” life is weird at times. glad you are doing well!!!

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