Sometimes Goodbye is Necessary to Really Live Life

3 Jan

I discovered Pandora radio this week.  I purchased a new car because it was the only way for me to handle the financial loss from the car that Mr. Mess gave back to me.  The $2,000 loss was easier to handle rolled into a new car payment than directly out of my bank account.  Mr. Mess is also going to let me take the entire tax refund to help offset that loss since the other car was his and the options that he added (like the extended warranty and fabric protection) is what made the car more expensive than it was worth.

So, anyways… Back to the story.  My new Chevy Cruze has Pandora radio built into it.  I have never used it before, but once I did I was hooked.  I love the ability to customize radio stations and get new songs added based on my previous preferences.  I’ve even started playing it at my desk because I love it so much.

This morning when I arrived to work I opened up the Pandora Radio page that is pinned to my taskbar.  I switched to my favorite country radio station.  I had it playing softly and half-way listening while I did my work.  Suddenly a Carrie Underwood song came on that I’ve never heard.  I didn’t buy her first CD even though I love her voice.  It just seemed a little religious and there was only one song from the radio on it that I liked.  I have purchased everything she’s put out since she got away from the American Idol record label, though.  Because I have marked a “thumbs up” on several of her songs before, Pandora obviously decided to play some of her older stuff, too.

The song that played this morning is “Starts with Goodbye.”  The lyrics and emotion in the song fit what I was feeling when I made the decision that divorce was the only way I could be happy.  It also made me think of a blogging friend who is struggling with this concept right now.  It’s very, very difficult to let go of your ideas of what life was supposed to be.  It is even harder to realize that the potential you thought you saw just isn’t there.  When I finally came to a point of accepting the truth of my husband, my marriage, and what my life would look like for the next 30 years if I didn’t make a change, I was able to say goodbye.

That was the beginning of my ability to really live my life to its fullest.  That is the day I found my happiness.  It all had to start with a goodbye.

I was sitting on my doorstep
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand
But I knew I had to do it
And he wouldn’t understand 

So hard to see myself without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you’re standing at a crossroad
There’s a choice you gotta make 

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down

Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye 

I know there’s a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead just waiting for me
Getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life’s so bitter sweet

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down

 Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye  

Time heals the wounds that you feel
Somehow right now

 I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
 Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

Does anyone else out there know what I mean?  Not just about love or a marriage.  We have to let go of all sorts of things to achieve true happiness.  I will have to let go of not only my marriage, but the hurt and pain and betrayal.  To realize my true potential at work and in life I will have to let go of my self-defeating behaviors and thoughts.  I have to say goodbye to self-doubt, uncertainty, and the fear of failure.  2013 is my year to say goodbye to the things that are holding me back and hello to all that life has to offer!  I hope that’s what 2013 brings for you, too.

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18 Responses to “Sometimes Goodbye is Necessary to Really Live Life”

  1. GoddessWife January 7, 2013 at 10:31 pm #

    So I’m sitting here crying now. I’m smack in the middle of complete mess and don’t know which way is up right now.

    • beautifulmess7 January 7, 2013 at 10:42 pm #

      I wish I could do something to help. If I were close by I would come hold your hand and just let you cry on my shoulder. Sometimes that’s what you need. (((Hugs)))

  2. dingdongitsmrwrong January 5, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

    Amen to that! These things do not happen by chance. You were meant to hear that sing. That was for you. Beautiful. If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear more of your story and how you overcame it and claimed You back. If you don’t mind sharing, could you email me at: dingdongitsmrwrong@yahoo.co.uk I think it could be quite inspiring for other women 🙂

  3. emotionaltornado January 3, 2013 at 11:17 pm #

    Another Carrie Underwood song I listen to over and over is Young & Beautiful. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/carrieunderwood/wereyoungandbeautiful.html I wonder if I need to make a change while I’m young (ish) and beautiful? How many years do I owe to someone who only causes me pain? I’m in a better place now, but that song still makes me pause and wonder.

  4. Stacia January 3, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

    One of my fave songs! That CD of hers got me thru a painful breakup when I left my ex of 10 years. I knew in my heart it was over, it was just the finality of ending it and moving on. Good things are coming your way, I promise. And…you already know this. I love how we hang on to the past just enough to realize and know that our future will be even better. I hope to NEVER forget what I have been through, as I think that would make it too easy to fall back into the crap of what once was.
    xoxo

    • beautifulmess7 January 4, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

      That’s a perfect way to think of it… We hold onto those experiences just enough to learn from them and keep hope for the future.

  5. Sarah January 3, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    I am starting to get to the part where I am considering letting go of my marriage. I gave him a year to get clean (basically so I could get stronger and healthier) and it’s been 6 months and not too much has changed. I was freaking out Dec 31 & Jan 1 knowing this could be the year I have to make huge decisions. I want to say goodbye to fear and shame and control and disappointment and anxiety. I am ready to be free of those things. If it means saying goodbye to my marriage and my best friend, uprooting my child’s life, and facing life with just her and I; then that is what I have to do.

    • beautifulmess7 January 3, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

      “I want to say goodbye to fear and shame and control and disappointment and anxiety.” Those are great things to say goodbye to. Sometimes letting go of the things that we don’t want in our lives means letting go of things that we hoped for, too. That’s the hardest part.

      • From This I Know..... January 4, 2013 at 8:13 pm #

        SO Unbelievably true. Our divorce has started….. it has been 4 grueling months with surgery, recovery, divorce proceedings, etc., but I can’t WAIT to see whats on the other side……..if I can just make it there. The pendulum has swung again this week. I REALLY just wish I could get off this emotional roller coaster. I would do anything at this point.

  6. peregrinerose January 3, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    I am hoping that my husband says goodbye to his addiction, sets it free.

    • beautifulmess7 January 3, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

      That is a good thing to hope for.

    • beautifulmess7 January 3, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

      What about you, though? What do YOU want to say goodbye to (not what you want your husband to)?

      • peregrinerose January 3, 2013 at 12:44 pm #

        I have already said goodbye to his addiction. Whether the addiction takes my husband with it or not, the addiction is no longer safe to stay in my home. It is jeopardizing my health, finances, and legal issues.

  7. our24yeargap January 3, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    I love my Chevy Cruze!!!! My man was very excited I got it because I drive a very bad highway to work and the 5 start safety rating was a plus. I have also seen personally the impact the car can take! I have a blog post about it, a Cruze got t-boned by a semi and the Cruze driver walked away with minor scrapes. Refused the hospital. Amazing. But I’m a major Chevy fan in general. I kept my old car cause it was more than paid off and I drive a lot of miles, it has 185,000 miles and has NEVER had a thing wrong! Ever!

    • beautifulmess7 January 3, 2013 at 11:55 am #

      Thanks for the confirmation that I made the right decision! I’m a researcher, big time. All of the things I read kept coming back to the Cruze. It’s just the best car for the class that I was looking at. Once I sat in it and took it for a drive I knew it was the one for me. I absolutely love it.

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