22 Jan

I absolutely love this post. It is raw and honest and dead-on about many of the emotions that come up when someone has lied to you and betrayed you for years. I was right there with her, reliving my own marriage, during this entire post.

When she talked about giving your everything to someone, only to have them give you barely anything except lies in return, I was nodding my head, remembering that pain. When she spoke of the embarrassment, especially this line –

“I was the blind idiot who’d made it my life’s mission to be your number-one cheerleader and help you boost your career…”

– I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about. When she mentioned second-guessing herself when she knew there was something wrong, yet being fed yet more lies, I could unfortunately relate on a deep level. When she talked about her anger and urge to break ribs and cause as much physical pain as he inflicted emotionally, since he seems to have a lack of empathy or any ability to understand what he has put her through, I wanted to cheer.  These lines are haunting:

“I need you to feel the pain that I feel, the pain that you’ve caused me — that is, if, someday, you ever become capable of feeling emotions like this. Like you’re strapped to a table, inexplicably and hideously alive, simultaneously witnessing and feeling the bloody, stabbing-death of your own happiness. And the Hollow Empty that’s left in its absence.”

And finally, the wonderful realization at the end that she needs to cut her losses and let go of that anger to finally move on… It filled me with such hope and peace for her. The reality of our situations, the truth that we have to face is that “he is not who or what I want/need him to be!” There is such freedom with those realizations. Accepting those things, acknowledging our pain and brokenness, then moving on with our heads held high is simply beautiful.

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3 Responses to “”

  1. blogventer January 22, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

    Thank you for reblogging this! I’m humbled to have been able to put myself out there in such a raw fashion, and to know that you accepted it… and understood! You really “get” this (in a way that H never will), and you have no idea how grateful I am for your support. Thank you, beautifulmess. 🙂

  2. Roxanne January 22, 2013 at 12:33 pm #

    Thanks for reblogging this. Boy, can I relate to that post! It’s always helpful for me to realize that many people have gone through this awful pain…but that life goes on. The friendship piece really struck a chord in me. Not sure if that’s what my ex is trying to do now. Like someone said in a comment on the original post, many of these many can’t stand to see their cheerleaders move on and not care about them anymore. I think that’s what I’m going through now. I’m so over the cards, flowers, and nice texts from him….especially when I know the woman he left me for is living in what used to be our house. What especially sickens me is knowing that he was probably doing the same things for her or any of the other number of woman he was seeing when we were together. But brighter days are ahead. I know that. No one deserves to be treated that way. And I believe that faithful men do exist…somewhere, right?

    • beautifulmess7 January 22, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

      I just had to share this post. I’m glad I could allow more people to be touched by her words. Life does go on, even in the midst of pain so bad that we think it will break us forever.

      I know what you mean about the friend thing. My ex has tried that a few times, but my silence in response seems to have painted a picture for him – I no longer want to be part of his life. It is easier for me since there are no children involved.

      I think you and the original commenter are right – they are such egomaniacs that they really can’t stand having their personal cheerleader move on and start rooting for herself instead. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with cards and flowers while he’s moved another woman in… how gag-worthy!

      You are right, though – brighter days are ahead! There have to be men out there who will treat us the way we deserve. Have to be… Even without any man, though, we will thrive. That is what this journey is teaching me – how to be a whole person on my own. 🙂

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