Sharing the Divorce Experience

29 Jan


My Dad and I are going through a divorce at the same exact time.  He was blind-sided and left, my poor relationship dragged on and on way past its expiration date.  Still, we are using the same lawyer (my recommendation) and navigating some of the same waters at the same time (separation agreements, tax preparation, etc.).

I just spent an hour on the phone with him.  It was really nice to talk to him, even though the subject wasn’t all that pleasant.  He understands how difficult it is not to have control over something that means so much to you.  It’s hard to see someone you used to love (and currently do in my Dad’s case) make decisions that will most likely turn out very poorly for them.  But there’s nothing we can do about it.

We cannot control anyone else.  Their behavior, even the self-destructive kind, is theirs to make.  They want to rack up debt and pay only minimums?  Their decision.  They want to wallow in addiction?  Their decision.  They want to walk away from the best thing they’ve ever had?  Their decision.  They want to lash out in anger and act irrationally?  Their decision.  Nothing we can do about it.

He’s accepting it.  I already have.  It was a difficult journey to get there.  He’s going through that right now.  I wish there was more that I could do to support him.  For now, my words are the only comfort I have to offer him.



6 Responses to “Sharing the Divorce Experience”

  1. Roxanne January 31, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

    Us and our crazy parallel lives! My mom decided to leave her boyfriend of 13 years recently. She’s been sort of waffling on her decision and I’m trying my best to give her the kind of support she’s given me through all of my chaos. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing miserably, but I hope my efforts are appreciated. There are no right answers in these situations. And I think everyone has to come to terms with things on their own timeline.

    • beautifulmess7 January 31, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

      Yeah, there are no right answers in these situations. I feel bad for my Dad, although I can say that I saw it coming from the beginning. This is her 4th (yes, FOURTH) marriage. They jumped in far too quickly because of his religious convictions that he shouldn’t sleep with someone before they were married (and they were sleeping together). Even though he was the only one who didn’t see the potential problems, I still feel bad for him. I don’t really know how to support him fully, but I’m there for him to talk to.

  2. longtooth January 29, 2013 at 10:06 pm #

    A looong way 🙂 And you’re most welcome. Wanna eventually see the happy ending to your story 🙂

  3. longtooth January 29, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

    Believe me, those words go a long way. Words give strength.

    “Was it you or I who stumbled first? It does not matter. The one of us who finds the strength to get up first, must help the other.”
    ― Vera Nazarian

    • beautifulmess7 January 29, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

      Thanks for taking the time to comment, even in the midst of everything you are dealing with!

    • beautifulmess7 January 29, 2013 at 10:03 pm #

      I guess words do go a long way. 🙂

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