The Top 10 Things I Want in a Man

30 Mar

The other day I was talking to a friend who is going through a tough time.  Like me, he is a people-pleaser.  In our conversation he said that he doesn’t even know what he wants in a partner.  He is so used to thinking about someone else’s needs that he never thought about his own.  I can relate.

As we were talking I realized that I haven’t taken my own advice.  I never thought about my top needs and the things I want from a partner.  Outside of my one therapy session and this post a few months ago, I haven’t put the kind of thought into it that I should. Is it any wonder then that I wasn’t getting my top needs met?  One reason is that I hadn’t even identified them.

So this week I took the time to write down the top 10 things I am looking for in a partner.  The 10 things I need in a man are:

  1. Intelligent – Not necessarily measured by degrees but by being able to hold an interesting, stimulating conversation.
  2. Sense of humor – It is important to have someone who can make me laugh, who understands my sarcasm, and makes my days brighter.
  3. Honest/ Truthful – This really should be #1.  Someone without this quality who has everything else still isn’t someone who I could have an enduring relationship with.
  4. Stable & Responsible – These are basically the same thing to me, although I know there is some difference.  I need someone who values the same things and is responsible and established.  I do not want to “rescue” someone else.  I am not interested in anyone who is living with his parents, doesn’t have a job, or is in terrible debt due to bad choices.
  5. Sexually open – My sexuality is very important.  I need someone affectionate who can be free and open with me. I also am a “once a day” woman ideally, and need a man who can keep up.
  6. Unselfish – I don’t want someone who is selfless to the point of not meeting their own needs (like I have been sometimes), but I do need someone willing to give as much as I do.  I want to be with someone who puts me first, who thinks about my happiness, and who doesn’t take advantage of my giving nature.
  7. A take charge/ aggressive type – I have a strong personality.  I need someone stronger.  I will not be content for long with someone who is passive, and neither will they.  I need a man who is a man, and will make me feel like a woman.
  8. Emotionally Aware & Open – There is a concept called emotional intelligence, which is “the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions.”  After living with someone who only faked emotions and lied about them, I need to be with a man who is able to understand and access his emotions.
  9. Goals/ Ambition – I don’t really care what the goals are, but I do need someone who is self-motivated and knows what he wants.
  10. Someone who challenges/ pushes me – I know myself, which means I know that I have a tendency to pour myself into other people, procrastinate, and not do everything I should.  I need someone who will encourage me and challenge me mentally, emotionally, and with life in general.

I think it’s a good list.  I also think that it’s very do-able.  My husband didn’t have any of the things on my list except maybe a sense of humor – limited and juvenile as it was.  That’s what you get when you don’t know what you’re looking for – someone who isn’t right for you.  Next time around I’m going to be more aware of my needs.  What would make your top 10 that I didn’t include?

top10 (1)


5 Responses to “The Top 10 Things I Want in a Man”

  1. pammy July 1, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

    Lol, ooh, this whole list idea is spectacular!!!
    Really put yhgs into perspective for me!- >
    I’m thieving ur list…:-P !!! Haha
    P. S. I cant stop reading ur blogg..i find the energy and honesty and open natured way u write …, addictive, sort-of,….;-)

  2. Stacia March 30, 2013 at 7:54 pm #

    It usually takes an eye opening experience to remind us what we truly want and deserve and to never repeat the past. xoxo

    • beautifulmess7 March 30, 2013 at 8:03 pm #

      Yeah, that’s true. If I don’t learn from what happened then it does me no good. 🙂


  1. We Attract Who We Think We’re Worth | Being a Beautiful Mess - September 20, 2013

    […] helped me define what a “yes” would look like.  I actually sat down and contemplated my needs.   I also began to realize the things that I had to bring to the table.  The eight men I went on […]

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