Good, Bad, and Ugly

29 Jul

I know… what a cliché of a title, right?  I should do better!  It just seemed to fit, though.  There’s been a lot going on in my life.  Some of it is great, some of it is horrible, and some is funny and a little painful.  I was sick last weekend with a high fever, then last Monday I was out in the field doing a setup.  The week took off from there. Today I figured that I should give a little update.  I’ll just go in chronological order for now.

So first… the ugly.  Last Tuesday I got off work over an hour late due to some meetings.  I decided to treat myself to a little Mexican, and I got it to go because I really wanted to just sit on my couch and vegetate.  I got home to a mailbox full of junk mail.

I was in a pretty awesome mood, singing the tune off of the radio, loud and smiling.  I unlocked the door to find my wiggly Buddy there to greet me.  He was so cute hopping around, and he obviously wanted to go out to the front yard and pee on a few bushes.  I let him slip by me and kept the door propped open with my foot, thinking he would come right back in like normal.

Only he didn’t.  He decided to go running down to the neighbors house.  He’s usually pretty good about coming back when I call him.  But this time he just slowed down a little and kept wandering closer and closer to the edge of the road.  I kept calling, and he kept ignoring.

Since I’ve already had one animal (a cat) killed by a car in this neighborhood, Buddy is literally half blind, and it was so close to quitting and getting home time, I decided to go after him.  That’s when my heel slipped, my ankle went out from under me and I fell down the steps onto the concrete sidewalk.  I hit my ass on the stairs on my fall, scraped up my right knee, and managed to dump half of my dinner out on top of me.  Fun.  I’m actually laughing right now, but it was more of stunned silence that followed my spill.

I checked myself for major harm, and found none.  Of course Buddy trotted right over to help himself to my chips and salsa.  I sat there, legs splayed, grateful I was wearing a skort, not a skirt.  I pulled my heels off, managed to salvage the dinner, even though the aluminum container was smushed, and carried that into the kitchen.  I came back for my purse and keys in another trip, then picked up the mail that was now on the lawn.

Finally finished pigging out, Buddy came inside behind me.  I then stripped down and hopped in the shower to wash off the grass and dirt and blood and salsa that was covering me.  I poured peroxide on the scrapes and cuts on my knee, then bandaged it.  My knee is still all scraped up, I have scratches down my leg, up my thigh, and on my arm.  The pièce de résistance,  though is the massive hell of a bruise on my ass.  It’s the size of a fist and a deep purplish red color.  I’ll spare you the pictures.

Note to self: chasing after a dog while juggling take out, mail, my purse and keys, and wearing high heels… not a good idea.

Next was the good.  The following day, last Wednesday, my boss took all of us “executives” out on his boat.  Correction: his yacht. It’s something that he does once a year to show his appreciation.  It was so wonderful.  The weather was beautiful.  The ride took us past Mount Vernon and Fort Washington.  We walked around National Harbor.  Ate amazing seafood.  Had Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.  Then we stopped and went swimming.  I found a big shark tooth.  It was a nearly perfect day.  I didn’t get home until late again, but this time there was no fall down the steps.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, the week had more in store for me.  I woke up Thursday morning and felt like shit.  Beat up. Between repeatedly lifting 50+ pound rotors on Monday, falling down the stairs on Tuesday, and riding for hours in a boat on Wednesday, I was exhausted and sore.  I just wanted to crawl back under the covers and stay there. I should have.

Ever have a premonition that a day is just going to suck?  I had one of those, and I was right.

I got a call from my gynecologist office.  That’s never a good thing.  I had my annual last week.  If everything had been fine I would have gotten a letter in the mail.  Instead, I got a call.  Abnormal results.

The woman on the phone was very reassuring.  She explained that abnormal results happen for a variety of reasons and it does not mean that I have cancer.  However, I get to go back to the gyno next week.  My doctor is out on vacation until August 19th.  I said fuck that.  I’m not waiting over a month until they could get me in (August 27th).  So I asked for whoever they could get me in with as soon as possible.  Apparently some women are weird about male doctors, so two of them had openings.  It doesn’t bother me one bit.  It’s not like he’s gonna rape me or something, and I’m not really shy.  Plus, I just want some answers.

They will be doing a procedure called a colposcopy.  They will be looking at my cervix with a microscope after putting a solution on there to make the abnormal cells stand out.  They will do a scraping and take some biopsies.  It will probably be painful.  I’ve been advised to take Motrin before I go.  Yeah, like that’s gonna do a whole lot to help.  Whatever.  I’m tough.  Pain has never scared me.

It is what it is.  Hopefully it will be nothing and everything will turn out okay.

So there’s my (not so) mini update.  I had more good yesterday.  I got to go to a Kix Brooks, Dierks Bentley, and Miranda Lambert concert.  I had VIP parking and VIP seats and access to the VIP area.  My Mom and sister and grandma went with me.  We had a fantastic time.  Three generations of lovely ladies enjoying amazing music.  I’m just going to keep moving forward, keep living my life, and keep finding happiness as best as I can.  I’ll do all of that with a smile on my face.

From last night


20 Responses to “Good, Bad, and Ugly”

  1. infinitymadness2 August 15, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

    The good sounds pretty great! Glad your boss appreciates you guys and does something nice for you. 🙂
    I have to admit I laughed a little while reading the ugly. LoL I can see your dog eating chips and salsa while your scrambling to get off the floor! Ok, I know it wasn’t meant to be laughed at.
    I had a colonoscopy done years ago. I remember feeling super ishy about the actual procedure but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Hope everything is ok and great pic!!

    • beautifulmess7 August 15, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

      Actually, it WAS meant to be laughed at. Heck, I was sitting there covered in Mexican food, laughing my terribly bruised ass. And yes, everything went well with the procedure.

  2. betrayed1979 July 31, 2013 at 8:40 pm #

    I really enjoyed reading your blog…your description of your husband hits home. The lies, the manipulation…ugh. I actually began to think my sex addict husband was either a psychopath, a sociopath or just a complete nutcase. Trying to reason or even talk to crazy is just utterly exhausting for me.

    • beautifulmess7 July 31, 2013 at 8:48 pm #

      It’s utterly exhausting for anyone! I believe quite firmly that my ex is a narcissistic sociopath. He was a good liar, sometimes even excellent. Telling the lies never phased him once. Not a single ounce of guilt. I have a few posts with a checklist, and he hits virtually every single point. It’s almost enough to drive you crazy yourself.

  3. omtatjuan July 29, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

    Men are stupid. Most of the time they think with the wrong head. If its worth it to both of you… Therapy otherwise part. I was stupid when I was young. Consequences what consequences? I now come home to two stupid cats… That is my punishment.

    • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

      Oh, we’re parted. Don’t worry one bit about that. He was never worth it, when it comes right down to it. I just took a little too long to realize that I was worth way more than he could ever give me.

      • omtatjuan July 29, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

        Then look at it this way; you don’t need that jerk to bring you down. Positive thinking

        • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

          We’ve actually been separated since October, and hopefully my divorce will be final any day. I was naive for believing a narcissistic sociopath, for being codependent, and for holding on well past the point where I should have extricated myself. Live and learn.

          • omtatjuan July 29, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

            I spoke to my therapist today about narcissistic personalities. They are like icebergs 10 percent is what they do consciously and 90 is subconsciously. They do what is familiar even when it leads them to ruin. They get a moment of pleasure. It doesn’t make sense to a normal person….

  4. Chris Story July 29, 2013 at 12:25 pm #

    Thank the gods for the boat ride. The week would have been pretty close to unbearable without that type of positive experience. Hopefully this week will be much better on all fronts.

    • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

      Yeah, that’s true. 🙂 It was a bright moment, and a well needed mental vacation. Swimming in the Potomac River was pretty neat. I haven’t been swimming outside of a pool in ages. Plus feeling the wind in my hair and sun on my face was blissful. Thanks for the positivity.

  5. Roxanne July 29, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    Thanks for sharing your story. Stressful situations (like, in my case finding out someone cheated on you) can cause cell abnormalities to appear. I had to go through the colposcopy a couple years ago and thankfully, nothing more came from it. I had to get repeat pap tests every 6 months for a couple years after I was diagnosed, but after a series of normal results, my doctor let me go back to annual tests. The procedure wasn’t any more painful than a normal exam. Hope everything goes well for you! Soon enough, this will all be over!

    • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 11:38 am #

      Thanks for the reassurance! My sister tends to be overly dramatic, so hopefully her account of the pain is just that normal exaggeration that I’ve gotten used to.

  6. Hitting the Redo Button on LIfe July 29, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    I had a colposcopy last summer and was freaking out about it. Turns out I felt nothing, the yearly exam/pap smear bothered me more. **Caution not for the faint of heart** What they do not tell you is a day or two later you pass significant amounts of “tissue” because they use a vinegar solution to see the cells and with the other stuff they use you pass this lovely combination of what looks like coffee grounds and wet kleenex ….. it was day 2 that all passed, freaked me out until a girlfriend was like “oh that is totally normal” – the other crappy thing is you end up on the every 6 month pap smear rotation until you get three normal ones.

    • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 11:36 am #

      Yeah. I don’t think the colposcopy part is supposed to hurt. I’m just worried about the scraping and biopsies. The every 6 month thing they already informed me of. That will be fun. The exams don’t usually bother me, though, so hopefully it won’t be that bad…

  7. Samantha Baker July 29, 2013 at 11:17 am #

    You know how I feel about this since we talked about it. I wish I could hold your hand during your procedure. I would completely do it too.

    • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 11:29 am #

      I know you would! My Mom is going to be there. She said that I probably won’t want to drive after, and she’s probably right. My sister had to go through it in March, and she said that she had to lay there for like 15 minutes after. She couldn’t get up because she was so light headed and felt like she was going to pass out. Even though it’s super close to my house, I figured it’s best not to take a chance.

      • Samantha Baker July 29, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

        Exactly. YOU are a star. You will get through this and be even stronger.

        BTW, nice rack. 🙂

        • beautifulmess7 July 29, 2013 at 12:24 pm #

          Hahaha… Thanks! 🙂 I guess I do have a tiny bit of cleavage going there. I know I will get through this just fine.

          • Samantha Baker July 29, 2013 at 12:27 pm #

            Just keep being the beautiful YOU. Because you’re amazing. I know that. You know that. And someone will get the chance to know that who will value you like he didn’t.

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