Prelude to a Second Date

12 Sep

You will have to excuse the sappiness of my next few posts, and maybe my entire blog from this point forward.  I’ve been told that happiness is rather boring to read about.  In that case, prepare to be very bored.

Lately, I’ve been keeping you updated on my foray back into the dating world.  After my first first date in a while (which you can read about here), I half-heartedly perused messages from other men on OkCupid.  They paled in comparison to the interactions with my date, who I will refer to as Tony (inspiration drawn from Iron Man) moving forward.

(Side note:  I agonized over what to call him on this blog.  Being a master over-thinker and an emphatically uncreative person, this was difficult.  I contemplated it unenthusiastically for days, which is one reason for the delay in my posts.  Finally, I put in a concerted effort and landed on that nickname for a variety of reasons that I find quite clever, but which may be painfully obvious.)

Tony and I continued talking and texting, quite frequently.  His wit and eloquence and humor left my head swimming in a delightful way.  I was a bit awe-struck.  Dazzled.  Fascinated.  Those words don’t seem quite right, but I can’t think of any more suitable.  He is quite possibly the smartest person I’d ever had the pleasure of talking to in such depth.  He kept me on my toes, and with a permanent smile on my face.

The most striking and surprising thing of all, though, was his honesty.  Truthfulness has been at the very top of my list of must-have’s for a long time.  Those that have followed my journey thus far know that honesty is something I value almost above anything else.  He went about showing me how much integrity he has from the beginning – not because I asked, but just because that’s who he is.  Our interactions were peppered with little nuggets of truth that I knew he didn’t have to give me, but that he did.  I discovered that we share a very similar set of values about dating, exclusivity, and chivalry that I had begun to think no longer existed in my generation.

Case in point:  He had three future dates already lined up, and he had gone on a few before he met me.  He joined the dating sites to meet a variety of people, and see if anything popped.  He was looking for a relationship, but not to just fall into one with the first person who came along.  He was very up-front about the other dates, but also about the fact that he really liked me.  The way he handled himself was extremely mature, and it was so refreshing that I didn’t have to wonder where I stood with him.

One date was scheduled for Monday evening, and another for Tuesday.  He texted me after each one.  In fact, I saved a text message that he sent me Tuesday night after his last date.  It said: “My feeling is that both last night and tonight, I found myself thinking I would rather have you sitting across from me.”  Getting that message made my stomach jump.  It wasn’t just a line.  His sincerity was palpable.

So was his level of transparency.  Both of those dates invited him back to her house.  One was very specific that she wanted to sleep with him.  He turned them down.  Mostly it was because he will not have a one night stand or sleep with anyone unless he’s exclusive.   It was also partly because he didn’t want to do anything that could negatively affect his chances with me.  Even before our second date, he was open and respectful.  I told him it was astonishing.  He showed me more regard and consideration after one date than my husband did in our entire relationship.

I also had a date scheduled, tentatively.  A man had gotten in touch who lived in Arlington and worked in Washington, D.C.  He seemed smart, he was nice, and he wasn’t bad-looking.  He proposed that we meet about half-way, in Fredericksburg, on Friday night.  I agreed, before I had any plans for a second date with Tony. This guy, who I called Politician Steve, was light on details and follow through. He didn’t pick a place or set a time.

As things progressed with Tony, we began discussing when we would have our second date. I had a previous engagement Wednesday and Thursday. He had another date pre-planned for Saturday. It was looking like it would be a week, and another Sunday night before we could see each other again. Even that was iffy because of family events and the Monday holiday.

Then, almost simultaneously, we made a choice to choose each other. I told him that I would like our second date to be on Friday – that I wasn’t worried about Politician Steve. He cancelled his date for Saturday. He said it wasn’t fair to her because he would be thinking of me the entire time, the way he was with the other two. He felt it was better to cancel than go with the thought that he would just “get through” so how could proceed with me.

The days leading up to that Friday night were tantalizing and filled with fascinating conversations. He told me that getting to know me was like the best class he’s ever taken. It was a sentiment I shared. I had never been more excited for a second date in my entire life.

Apparently my excitement level couldn’t compare to his, though. On Thursday night I told him that I could hardly wait for our date. He said that he believed me, but that he didn’t think I knew what real excitement was. One of the last messages I received from him that evening was, “There’s no way anyone else could be as excited for a second date as I am.”

The date wouldn’t be a disappointment for either of us.


14 Responses to “Prelude to a Second Date”

  1. Anonymous September 16, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    Congratulations on getting back out there. Does he know about the reasons for your divorce? My soon to be ex is also a sex addict and I’m struggling with whether/when to tell someone I’m dating. Also, I really appreciate your blog. There are so many blogs written by women who stay and work it out. It’s refreshing to hear from someone who chose divorce (as I did). Thank you! I especially like the sappy posts. Gives me hope.

    • beautifulmess7 September 17, 2013 at 10:12 am #

      Yes, he does know the reason for my divorce. I was very straightforward about things. I mentioned that I was cheated on in my profile, and we briefly discussed it on our first date. I’m an open book. He was impressed with my ability to laugh about it and talk openly about what I’ve learned. I didn’t harp on it, though. No rolling around in misery or self-pity for this girl. After our second date I even gave him this blog, and I believe he has read a decent portion of it.

  2. divorcedandsingleblog September 16, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    oh oh oh! I can feel the excitement with you!! That’s so great! and it wasn’t boring to read at all 🙂

    • beautifulmess7 September 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm #

      Well thanks! I’m so caught up in spending time with this wonderful man that I don’t have time to write about all of the fantasticness

  3. Lynette d'Arty-Cross September 15, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

    Happy stories are not at all boring! Keep writing!

  4. saspouse September 14, 2013 at 11:03 am #

    Awesome! I’m so happy for you! Can’t wait to hear more!

  5. thepillarsofherearth September 13, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

    Have fun and write!

  6. rougedmount September 12, 2013 at 8:44 pm #

    happy story happy smiles

  7. livingtransparently September 12, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

    Yay!!! I LOVE reading happy stories and actually CRAVE them. In the midst of reading about similar stories to my past, it’s really good to know that happiness can be found after the abuse and nightmares that have come true. I’m happy for you. Hold to your values and stay true to yourself. And thank you for posting… I needed this RIGHT this moment.

    • beautifulmess7 September 12, 2013 at 8:00 pm #

      You’re welcome. There’s much more sappy happiness to come. In fact, right now I’m having one of the best steaks of my life with a twice baked potato that we cooked together in my boyfriend’s lovely home. One of the best Thursday nights that I can recall.

      • livingtransparently September 12, 2013 at 8:06 pm #

        I love that! I’m wishing much more happiness for you. 🙂 In 11 days, my boyfriend and I will celebrate one year together. I never knew how it was SUPPOSED to be.

        • beautifulmess7 September 12, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

          Congratulations! I think I knew how it was supposed to be, but I had just decided that wasn’t possible for me. I’m finding out just how wrong I was.

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