This evening I’ve decided to share a video with you guys. It’s a little clip from a song. Unlike the rest of the music I’ve shared on here, this one is of me. Yep, that’s right… I’m officially going to make my internet singing debut… Hahahaha. 🙂
Let me back up really quickly. I have mentioned a few times that my Mom plays the piano. She got a new one a month or so ago, and I got her old piano. It’s in my living room, right as you walk into my front door. That is a picture of it above. That piano is special. It holds a lot of memories and meaning for me and for my Mom. Her parents bought it for her when she was 8 years old. Her father passed away when she was 16. I never had the opportunity to meet him (obviously). This is the piano she learned to play on, and the one that I sort of learned how to play on. I will admit that as a child and even a teenager I wasn’t very motivated.
My Mom gave me the piano at the perfect time. I want to learn, at least a bit, although I have no illusions of becoming a concert pianist. More importantly, I now have a chance to focus on myself. This is really the first time I have had that opportunity in years and years due to the drama and neediness of my exes (both of them). I also find myself craving a creative outlet with which to express myself (besides writing here). Music has always been a cathartic, soul cleansing release for me. Now I have another medium for that besides my guitar and my voice. The more options the better!
A few weeks after getting the piano, I realized pretty definitively that I didn’t remember a darn thing about how to play it. The next time I visited my Mom took me up to her attic and we grabbed some music books. She also gave me a folder of “secular music” from a band that she used to play with. I opened it up and found the song Breathe (2 am) by Anna Nalick. Not only is it fairly basic, it is also on the piano originally which meant I could listen to it a few times to get a feel for it before attempting anything myself. Finally, the song hit the trifecta because it has been featured several time on Grey’s Anatomy, which is possibly my favorite television show of all times.
The song also get major bonus points were assigned because of the title and lyrics. Here’s the portion that I sang for the video:
2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you’ll use them, however you want to
Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe
I connect deeply with those words. I am often up late writing, thinking, singing, and playing (like tonight, for instance). It’s like my brain just can’t stop until I get it out. I write so many raw, personal things here and share them with people who know me and those who don’t. I am judged sometimes, but receive support so much more often. This really is like my diary, though. When I was writing music (and it has been a while), those songs were a little piece of me. Now I give that by singing and playing the words of other people that connect with me. I may even get back to writing one day. The truth behind this song that hits me more than anything else is we can’t go back, only forward. It reminds me to take a moment and a deep breath, and keep pressing on with my head held high.
Soooo… after a few weeks of playing around here and there when I had the opportunity, tonight I decided to try recording myself. I was already filmed once today at work for a video that will be featured at our convention in July, so I figured what the hell – I’ll give it a shot. I ended up with a pretty decent video. Only after uploading it to my computer did I realize portrait mode isn’t exactly computer friendly. A few tutorial videos on the internet later and I had at least figured out how to rotate the thing so people don’t have to tilt their heads sideways to read it. Just for the heck of it, I went ahead and shot another one in landscape mode, too.
The truth is that neither of the takes are perfect. I didn’t play and sing the entire song, which I know means that it’s completely useless for almost all intents and purposes. I mess up some words, and they have multiple piano issues like pauses and wrong notes and inconsistencies. But I like them. I like that song. I like the fact that I made some mistakes, but it’s still beautiful. I even like that despite the fact that I’m irrationally scared of posting videos that hardly anyone will ever, ever see, I’m doing it. So if any of you care to watch me sing and try to play the piano in my “READ” t-shirt, here are the videos. Feel free to let me know which one you like better if you care enough to watch them both even though they are basically the same thing.
And don’t forget, no matter what you’re going through, to stop and just breathe.