It’s been nearly a month since my last post. I’m still around and reading other people’s blogs, but I’ve found that there’s not much left for me to add to my own. This chapter of my life is closed. I no longer have a burning need to write so that I can process. I don’t have unspoken words and tumbling thoughts weighing me down anymore. I don’t need to put my feelings on paper to sort through them. I’m happy, but more than that, I’m content and secure.
I’ve been blogging here for over a year and a half. I came to WordPress with no purpose or goal, no expectations, and no clue what I was doing. Slowly I gathered followers and found other people writing about infidelity and its devastating effects. Many of the people who started blogging at the same time as me have slowly disappeared. Some said goodbyes, others vanished with no word, and a few are still around typing away. I’ve decided that I’m now part of the first group: it’s time for me to close up shop and move on.
This blog will remain open. I still get emails and comments from readers nearly daily, and I will continue responding. My stats tell me that somewhere around 800 people are reading each day. I have nearly 200,000 unique hits since my journey began. I’m still amazed that many people would take the time to read even a portion of this little snapshot of my life. I am honored and get a bit emotional when something I’ve written has actually helped someone come to a realization, make a decision, feel better about him or herself, feel understood, or otherwise be positively affected.
You all have positively affected my life in many ways, too. All 635 of my followers, in one way or another. Some of you have been pillars of strength and reason and wisdom for me. Many of you have shared deeply personal stories and experiences that helped me understand my own. I’ve laughed along with you, been moved to tears by comments, and come to many realizations. I found acceptance, validation, and hope through some of my darkest moments and times when there didn’t seem to be any good choices. I learned that I wasn’t alone. I made lifelong friends. Every single “Like” and follow gave me confidence and a sense of belonging that I didn’t have before.
Maybe it sounds silly to get all of that from a blog. And from virtual strangers from all over the world sitting behind a computer, on a phone, or otherwise connected to this great web of communication called the internet. I did, though. In a strange way that I can’t quite explain, writing this, telling my story, working through my feelings in the “open,” and relating to others through comments here and on other blogs caused me to know myself in a way I never had. It crystalized my feelings about myself: who I am, what I need, and how I want to live my life. For that, I can’t thank you all enough.
This blog has helped me discover myself and what I want so effectively that I no longer need it. Instead of a required outlet it has become an afterthought. Worse, it sometimes feels like a drain – I just don’t have the time or inclination to keep it up. Rather than feel guilty or obligated (due to my people-pleasing nature) and limping along with half-hearted posts, I would like to make a graceful exit. Well, as graceful as I can manage. 😉
I will, however, leave you with one final update. This move away from my blog coincides with another move: in with Tony. It will be a gradual process, but it has already started. I’ve got (almost literally) mountains of things to sort through at my house – pictures, movies, nicknacks, household items, multiple dressers and closets (and part of a room) full of clothes that have accumulated for decades, and more. Thankfully, things can move at a leisurely pace because I will be renting some space in my house to my sister. Rather than worry about getting rid of old furniture, moving in one weekend, or having to sell, I can focus on the warm fuzzies and enjoy the process. I’ve already got my own closet and towel rack, all of my necessities, and I’m filtering things in as I have the time, inclination, and desire. More importantly, I’ve got a warm bed to sleep in every night with an amazing man who I love (and who loves me) very, very much. What more could a girl want?
Being a Beautiful Mess 