What Brought Me Here

When I first started this blog in April of 2012, I was a much different woman than I am today.  I was struggling with a new marriage that was already failing and a husband who lied, cheated, kept secrets, withheld sex, and barely contributed to the bills.  I felt overwhelmed, ashamed, scared, and, more often than not, worthless.  I held it all in, not even reaching out to the people who love me the most.  It was my private hell, and the weight of it all was slowly crushing me.

A friend of my now ex-husband had a blog that he shared on Facebook.  I started reading it, and discovered an entire community of people who write to share their lives and experiences.  I found myself clicking links, reading more blogs, and commenting on a few posts.  As tears were streaming down my face from a reply that was more like a novel, I realized something.  I wanted a place like that – somewhere to write down my thoughts and feelings.  Somewhere to process, and to get things out of my head.   This blog was born.  I never expected many people to read it, but that never was the goal.  

I certainly didn’t know that creating and writing this blog would literally change my life.  But it did.  My posts went from timid and apologetic to opinionated and often forceful.  I gained friends, support, and a true voice.  I started to figure out my identity and recognize my worth.  I stopped passively riding out life and accepting less than anyone deserves.  I began figuring out what I need and what makes me happy, and pursuing it.  Throughout it all, I have blogged.  This is my crazy journey through marriage, infidelity, counseling, false reconciliation, separation, divorce, and dating with a little bit of everyday life issues thrown in for spice.  I hope it can help anyone else out there going through something similar.

If you want to know more about my story or my relationship, click the Background category.  The posts that have to do with what brought me here are in there.  I also add to it from time to time with additional details.  I have found that it is helpful for me to look forward, look back, and deal with the here and now all at once.  My brain is jumbled up like that.  Since the start, this blog has morphed into one of my top places for support, understanding, and hope.  I have gained more from my followers than I could ever expect to give in return, but I’m going to keep trying.  Thank you all!