Sharing the Divorce Experience

My Dad and I are going through a divorce at the same exact time.  He was blind-sided and left, my poor relationship dragged on and on way past its expiration date.  Still, we are using the same lawyer (my recommendation) and navigating some of the same waters at the same time (separation agreements, tax preparation, etc.).

I just spent an hour on the phone with him.  It was really nice to talk to him, even though the subject wasn’t all that pleasant.  He understands how difficult it is not to have control over something that means so much to you.  It’s hard to see someone you used to love (and currently do in my Dad’s case) make decisions that will most likely turn out very poorly for them.  But there’s nothing we can do about it.

We cannot control anyone else.  Their behavior, even the self-destructive kind, is theirs to make.  They want to rack up debt and pay only minimums?  Their decision.  They want to wallow in addiction?  Their decision.  They want to walk away from the best thing they’ve ever had?  Their decision.  They want to lash out in anger and act irrationally?  Their decision.  Nothing we can do about it.

He’s accepting it.  I already have.  It was a difficult journey to get there.  He’s going through that right now.  I wish there was more that I could do to support him.  For now, my words are the only comfort I have to offer him.

Shoot Me Down, But I Won’t Fall

One of my readers suggested that I listen to the song Titanium by Sia.  I went over to YouTube to check it out.  Since I live in a fairly small music bubble (my style is mostly country and some acoustic stuff like Jason Mraz), I had no idea who Sia is.  I clicked on the first video that popped up, and fell in love with the girl and her voice.  After some more clicking around I discovered she was not, in fact, Sia.  Her name is Madilyn Bailey, and she is a phenomenal self-starting musician who uploads covers and her own original music to YouTube and iTunes.

I went back and found the “original” song, which I discovered is listed as being by David Guetta, featuring Sia.  The video was weird and hard to follow, and while the song was nice, the vocals were muddled and heavy compared to the video I had just watched.  I went back to Ms. Bailey (Maddy as she says she likes to be called), and started devouring her stuff.  I love the fresh, simple way she performs – just her, a piano or guitar, a microphone, and the song.  Pure.  All about the music, the lyrics, the feel of the song.  THAT is my kind of music!

I thought I would share the song, her version, and lyrics with my readers.  Please go check her out on YouTube.  Purchase her songs (like I did).  Support a real musician who is breaking into the industry all on her own with her voice, instruments, video camera, microphone, and computer as her tools instead of some flashy record company and digitalized equipment to hide the vocal flaws…

Titanium Lyrics

You shout it out,
But I can’t hear a word you say
I’m talking loud not saying much
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

[Chorus:]
I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won’t fall
I am titanium

Cut me down
But it’s you who’ll have further to fall
Ghost town, haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
I’m talking loud not saying much

[Chorus]

Stone-hard, machine gun
Fired at the ones who run
Stone-hard as bulletproof glass

[Chorus]

Here is another of my absolute favorite covers that she sings.  Of course it is country.  🙂  I am a big Carrie Underwood fan, but the song Blown Away has always seemed to be too much.  I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but it the music and background seemed to overpower the vocals.  This version is much, much more about the song and lyrics.  It took me a few times listening to the Carrie version to really understand what the song was about.  Not with this one.

I had one audition song picked out for this evening (a singing competition with a nice prize), but after hearing this I’m re-evaluating.  It’s a good enough version that it made me take a second look at a song I usually disregard.  I still love A Broken Wing, though…  It will take a lot to top that as my go-to audition song.

Apparently I’m a Nut Job

Just thought you guys should know.  You wouldn’t want to follow the blog of a nut job would you?  Hahaha.  🙂

I asked if he was still going to his Saturday morning meetings because I’ve been avoiding that group for a while for fear of running into him.  I didn’t want to make things awkward.  I just asked because I’ve missed the ladies in that group and wanted to know.  He said he hasn’t been to “one of those meetings” since he left, so I should go to that one again if I want.

He also said that he is never going back, and made this snide face that I can’t quite describe.  He was standing there with his greasy hair sticking up in all directions and a superior look on his face, like he was getting great pleasure out of proving how much better he is than me (by continuing in his addiction and denying there was ever a problem).  I broke and said something like, “Of course not.  You like being completely screwed up sexually.”  Then he said, “And you like being a nut job.”  I said, “Okay, sure” and he repeated himself as he finally walked out of the door.

That conversation was on the heels of another gem.  He said that he didn’t want to take anything that I had paid for so that I couldn’t write about him on my “little blog” to tell all of my “people” that he was a deadbeat – as his car was outside full of things that I had paid for.  I said as much – what kind of weird double standard is it to not want to take anything your spouse paid for while carrying an armload of things they bought?  Then he said that he didn’t think gifts applied – although all the kitchen things he took tonight were just items I purchased while he was in school for him to use in the house.  Truly, I’m not going to use them and he needed to take all of it because I don’t want to look at it and he’s the only one who needs a pasta maker and ravioli press and other crap that I can’t remember the name of.  But still… don’t say you don’t want anything I paid for when the only things in this house are things I bought.

Then he said something like, “We can both just keep anything we bought, including gifts,” because then he could have “all the jewelry” he got me.  I asked, what jewelry? The one necklace (that his brother paid for) and the wedding rings?  He then claimed to have purchased me several diamond necklaces, but couldn’t name any other than the (only) one he gave me 3 years ago, which his brother put on his credit card.  Oh, and the $90 earrings he gave me at our wedding reception.  Apparently he didn’t like that reminder of his lack of money (or responsibility) during our entire relationship because that’s when he started raising his voice and giving me the crazy eyes.

Before he left he mentioned something about not being able to wait for April.  Like I’m just pining away for him over here.  LOL.  I offered him an out – just admit that you cheated on me and this can be done immediately, like yesterday.  The papers can be filed and everything can be finished as soon as a judge signs the order.  He then said that he never cheated on me.  Really?  Oh, and that he lied about the 4 other women he had affairs with to “speed things along.”  Riiiiggght!  Maybe he’s even convinced himself of that.  Why he wouldn’t just have left on his own is a mystery, but when you make up lies they never make complete sense.

I was very, very tempted to say that he should enjoy his hand as much as possible since that is the only partner he will get again other than possibly some internet skank who he can exchange STDs with.  But I restrained myself.  Temporarily.  I did buckle and couldn’t help but deliver a closing blow by text:

“Your family must be nut jobs too because several of them have contacted me to say they can’t believe I lasted as long as I did being married to you.”

(Aside:  This is completely true – cross my heart and hope to die.  I was as surprised as anyone to get multiple Facebook messages, texts and emails from HIS family congratulating me on cutting him loose…)

I followed that up with:

“And even if you claim not to have cheated, what’s one more lie?”

Immature?  Certainly.  But I don’t really care.  I’ll be the bigger person tomorrow.  Tonight I have a cold, I got 5 hours of sleep, and I needed to unload on someone.  He made a good target, especially since he goaded me to the point where I didn’t care to restrain myself any more.  Plus, I’m a nut job, right?

Name Change in Progress!

I am so excited!!!  Today I got the ball rolling on my official name change.  Sure, I could wait until April when the divorce is final, but I really, really don’t want to.  It is time to get rid of his name!  When I left the circuit court this afternoon after turning in my forms and paying the $41, I was smiling like a fool.  I wanted to run around laughing and skipping and acting like a little kid who just got out of school for the summer.  I restrained myself (barely), although there might have been a skip or two in my step.  🙂

This is one more thing on the journey to being the new me.  Mr. Mess is also coming by tonight (if he shows) to pick up the last of his things from my house.  That means as of tonight I should have nothing left in my house that belongs to him or that he could even lay claim to (I discovered he plans to take a night stand and camping gear we purchased together, which I’m just giving him to avoid any conflict).  Then in as little as 2-3 business days I could be rid of his name, too.  That’s real progress!  I see a light at the end of this tunnel!

Last night I hung out with a bunch of friends at a Panera.  We all caught up on our various situations, chatted, ate good food, and admired the new baby girl one of them brought along (she is 5 months old and seriously could be the new Gerber baby… so adorable!).  As I was talking about the separation and impending divorce I couldn’t help but have a huge grin on my face.  It was so funny how basically all of them confirmed that if they were in my shoes they would have been long gone ages ago.  I told them that maybe I should have been, but at least this way I know that I did everything I could and then some.  I have no regrets, just peace that this is the right path for me to be on.

Another friend asked me now that things are over with my husband, what have I learned about myself to keep me from going down this same path with another guy?  There was a chorus of “good question” remarks all around.  I thought about it for a bit, and gave several answers.  One is that I now know what I need, and I will not accept anything less.  I’m not going to fall into the “savior” trap – where I want to rescue someone from bad circumstances or show them what love can offer to heal them.  Nope.  I’m also not looking for someone to “complete me.”  I want someone who is already complete, and I want to be complete all on my own.  I want someone that compliments me, has something to offer, and takes care of their business (and me).

I have gained so much – I am a different person that I was, which is evident just from reading through this blog.  I’m so ready to emerge out of this darkness into the wide open spaces beyond!

Share this:

I absolutely love this post. It is raw and honest and dead-on about many of the emotions that come up when someone has lied to you and betrayed you for years. I was right there with her, reliving my own marriage, during this entire post.

When she talked about giving your everything to someone, only to have them give you barely anything except lies in return, I was nodding my head, remembering that pain. When she spoke of the embarrassment, especially this line –

“I was the blind idiot who’d made it my life’s mission to be your number-one cheerleader and help you boost your career…”

– I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about. When she mentioned second-guessing herself when she knew there was something wrong, yet being fed yet more lies, I could unfortunately relate on a deep level. When she talked about her anger and urge to break ribs and cause as much physical pain as he inflicted emotionally, since he seems to have a lack of empathy or any ability to understand what he has put her through, I wanted to cheer.  These lines are haunting:

“I need you to feel the pain that I feel, the pain that you’ve caused me — that is, if, someday, you ever become capable of feeling emotions like this. Like you’re strapped to a table, inexplicably and hideously alive, simultaneously witnessing and feeling the bloody, stabbing-death of your own happiness. And the Hollow Empty that’s left in its absence.”

And finally, the wonderful realization at the end that she needs to cut her losses and let go of that anger to finally move on… It filled me with such hope and peace for her. The reality of our situations, the truth that we have to face is that “he is not who or what I want/need him to be!” There is such freedom with those realizations. Accepting those things, acknowledging our pain and brokenness, then moving on with our heads held high is simply beautiful.

Why Am I Not Surprised?

I was supposed to have to deal with Mr. Mess today, yet I was somehow spared that unpleasantness. You see, last week Mr. Mess texted me to arrange for a time to pick up the rest of his things.  On Monday he asked to come over this weekend.  I told him that Sunday would be a fine day.  He said okay and thanked me.   I got another text from him on my birthday with my name misspelled (yeah, really…).  After that, nothing.  When I didn’t hear from him yesterday or this morning about what time he would be here I figured he wasn’t coming.  No skin off of my teeth (what does that expression mean, anyway?  It’s really weird…).

I’m really not surprised at all that he didn’t come by like he said or even call or text to cancel.  It’s very typical of him.  He is a self-centered, inconsiderate and inconsistent person, so I would have been more surprised if he HAD contacted me on Saturday to firm up a time for today, then actually showed up at that time.  Sadly, I no longer have expectations of him doing anything that he says he will do.  I honestly don’t even know what there is left for him to get at this point – maybe a pasta maker and the mattress set that belongs to my sister (now me) because he told me to “do whatever I wanted” with his set and my Dad tossed it out?  Possibly something from the shed (although I looked in there this afternoon and didn’t see anything of his)?

I had a brief moment where I wanted to send him a snarky text offering to take his things to the dump if he doesn’t want them.  However, I quickly abandoned that idea, deleted the draft, and went about my business.  Really, that’s the best (and only) thing for me to do.  I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I just took all of my Christmas decorations down today (What?  I like Christmas!).   🙂  Besides that I was able to get some laundry done, reorganize my living room (after taking down the tree and decorations I had to put things back in order), cuddle with my dog Buddy, catch up with a few friends and most of the blogs I follow, start a new book, visit with my Dad and sister (separately), and watch the final playoff games.

It feels good to be accomplishing things and completely separating myself and my world from his.  It’s about time!   As far as I can tell, there are just 3 more hurdles to get over – this (the last few things he wants to pick up), taxes, then the divorce.  It’s exciting.  I’m trying to keep things as amicable and drama-free as possible.  That’s why I’m especially proud of myself for just letting today go and not striking out.  He may be trying to keep his foot in the door of my life or bate me, but since I am no longer invested in him it wont work.

All I need to do right now is get through these few things to the other side.  I can hardly wait!

Just a few more trips through the gutter to get through to the flowers on the other side.

Money Mash Up & Enjoying Myself

photo credit ~ Artwork by Ame Hughes, Intuitive Artist

This morning I am participating in Money Mash Up 1/14, hosted by simply stacia.  Thanks for the interesting questions.  Money is one area that I will have a few changes to this year, so I’m glad for the opportunity to think about it a bit.

1.  The most money I’ve spent last week was for bills.  I get paid twice per month, and last week was my first payday.  I paid all of my bills except my mortgage with that check.  That means I paid sewer, water, electricity, internet, TV, credit cards, my new car payment (the most expensive of the bunch), car insurance, trash pickup, and dog food.  Oh, you meant not bill-related?  In that case, I spent $4.49 for an ebook on my Kindle Saturday night.

2.  A low-cost or free thing I did this past week was went to lunch with my Mom and sister at Panera.  My Mom picked up the bill (how sweet of her), but even if she hadn’t the meal was cheap, delicious, and healthy.  Better was the company.  It was great to spend time with them both, have a nice chat in the middle of the day, and get a break from work.  It was the only lunch I ate out last week, although I had the urge a few times.  I’m glad that I waited to indulge myself when I had the company of two amazing women. 

3.  The one thing I did for another was took my sister up to my job on Saturday to pick up a battery for her boyfriend’s car.  I was able to get it basically at cost and save him quite a bit of money.

4.  Something I really need to accomplish this week is relax and enjoy my birthday!  Today I have a ton of stuff to get accomplished at work and at home, but starting tomorrow I am going to focus on just having fun and living my life. 

5.  I’m dying to try _____ this year.  Hmmmm…  This is a great question.  I’m dying to try putting myself first.  I’ve never done that before.  I know that isn’t a particular “experience,” but I am going to be my own priority this year.  I’m going to laugh, love, live, and stop second-guessing myself.  It already sounds wonderful!

Thanks again Stacia for coming up with these questions and posting the challenge every week.  It’s a good reminder of what’s important.

Letting Go of False Fairytales

Have I mentioned lately that I love Pandora radio?  Right.  I have.  Well, today it did it again – played the perfect song.  I don’t know how it knew.  I don’t even like Taylor Swift usually.  In fact, I think I have “thumbs downed” a few of her songs in the past.  Her voice is too sweet and childish for me.  She seems to fall in love every other second.  I find her pretty annoying, honestly.  Her winning vocalist of the year is a joke.  She may be a great song-writer, but a vocal powerhouse she is not.

With all that being said, today her song White Horse came on my Pandora radio channel, and everything froze just for a second.  I have heard the song many times before, but today I really listened.  Then I looked up the below video.  I didn’t cry, but I’m certain that another day, another time I would have.  This is where I was 3 months ago (almost to the day).  Maybe some of you are there now.  Personally, I’m living in the very end of that song – the part where I know there is someone else who will actually treat me the way I deserve.  I’m glad that I let go of that false fairytale.

 Lyrics – White Horse

Say you’re sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
‘Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around

Baby I was naíve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake, I didn’t know,
To be in love you had to fight to get the uppper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness,
Begging for me
Just like I always wanted,
But I’m so sorry

Cause I’m not your princess
This ain’t our fairytale
I’m gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world,
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror,
Disappearing now.
And it’s too late for you and your White Horse
Now its too late for you and your White Horse
To catch me now.

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh
Try and catch me now
Oh
It’s too late
To catch me now

Thoughts & Quotes About Trust

The concept of trust is something that I struggled with in my last relationship quite a bit (as you know if you’ve read this blog at all).  As I move forward and put my past behind me, I know that I will also need to open my heart and learn to trust again.  In theory, that seems like it should be difficult considering everything that I’ve been through.  However, I already have more peace and trust in my heart in this moment than I did for the last year or two combined.

Part of that comes from no longer having the constant lies in my life.  However, I think I no longer have the constant lies in my life because of a deeper change in ME.  I have learned that my trust is within my control – who I trust, what I trust them with, and what I accept or don’t.  I can give trust away freely in some circumstances and require much more for other types of trust.  I can loan someone my trust, but always be mindful of how they are treating that precious gift.  My trust can be taken away in small increments, or all at once.  My trust in one person can and should be based entirely on their actions.  I can trust in varying degrees – I may trust one person with my entire heart and soul and mind, and another person just enough to hang out and talk football.

I feel a certain freedom in making that revelation, which probably seems so basic to most people.  Trust used to seem like an absolute thing.  I’m not sure why, since I am generally a “shades of gray” person (now the book has added a dirty connotation to that phrase), instead of someone who sees things in black or white.  Trust always seemed like a straight-forward concept, though.  Either you trusted someone or you didn’t.  Simple, right?

I used to trust easily – I took almost anyone I met entirely at their word.  There was a time when I believed that people were inherently good.  I got burned so much that I flipped my mentality.  I came to believe that virtually everyone is twisted, corruptable, and out for themselves.  I trusted hardly anyone with hardly anything.  The people who I did let in, though, got my absolute trust.  If I had to choose between trusting my instincts or someone I loved, I would opt for the latter.  Trusting everyone naïvely and trusting a few people more than I trusted myself were both unhealthy ways of thinking.  Now I believe I finally understand where the middle ground is.

Yesterday I saw a quote about trust that I loved.  I thought about this topic all night, and today I wanted to find that quote again.  I did find it, but I also found many more that inspired me in different ways.  I would like to share those quotes and pictures below with a little commentary.

This first inspirational tidbit isn’t necessarily about trust.  To me, though, it’s about trusting my destiny and realizing that it is up to me to make the best out of everything.  I read this, and it makes me think of all of the moments that led me to where I am now – the big ones, the difficult ones, the tiny ones that I didn’t think meant anything, the joys and sorrows…  Everything we experience tells us something else about who we are, and what we do with those moments will define us forever.  I want my life, my moments, and my experiences to bring me to a place of deeper understanding, happiness, and authenticity.

This next quote is about trusting yourself – that voice inside that tells you what is right for you and what isn’t.  I’m not going to disregard that voice again no matter what.  I have learned that I have to trust myself first and foremost.  No one can tell me what to believe, who to trust, what to do, or what is the right path for my life.  That means I have a lot of responsibility and a lot of freedom to determine where my life should go.

I absolutely love the 16 “harsh truths” in this quote.  I have faced each and every one of these truths in the recent past, and I’m learning every day to embrace them.  I can’t change the past, there is a lot I don’t know, I will fail, and I can’t control much of anything.  Information and knowledge are not the same thing, I have to prove my own value and worth to be successful, and I will never feel 100% ready for something new, so it’s best to just dive in.  I can only get out what I put in, but I won’t always get what I want.  Someone else will always have more than me.   Life isn’t easy, good friends will come and go, people won’t always like me, and nothing in life is guaranteed.  With that in mind, the only person who can make me happy is me.  When I accept all of these things it makes me stronger and more able to really live!

This one is self-explanatory.  It’s what happened in my last relationship.  In fact, by the end I was trying to use the eraser dust because that was all that was left of my trust.

This next quote is both hilarious and entirely true.  This is why I think that lies of omission are just as dangerous as blatant lies.  A little bit of truth is a very, very dangerous thing.  I always want to make sure that I’ve got the whole truth and the entire picture.  If not, my trust won’t last long at all.

Yet another simple truth – the truth is always simple.

This is the quote I saw yesterday that started this entire train of thought.  I am trying not to be a bitter person who doesn’t give their trust away at all, however I believe that trust is fragile.  When I give it to someone, I truly hope that they treat it as such.  Don’t make me regret trusting you if you want me in your life in any capacity because I no longer stick around to be damaged.

This quote is sweet and optimistic and hopeful.  It is a good mantra.  Pink also happens to be my favorite color at the moment – along with red, black, silver, sparkly (I know, technically not a color, but go with it), and purple.  I want my future to be full of laughter, kissing, happiness, pretty things, miracles, and strength of character.  I believe I will truly be fulfilled then because with those things and love you can’t go wrong.

Okay, I have to throw this one in just because I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it.

I’m going to end with this one because it resonates with me.  The next person I let into my heart and my life full-time will have to be someone who lives their truth, not simply speaks it.  I have learned that words alone are cheap.  My future trust will be based on what I see, not on what I hear.  I’m looking for integrity, strength of character, and actions.  Just know, if you can’t prove it, if you aren’t going to follow through, and if you’re not in this all the way you’re better off not wasting my time.  🙂

If you know me…

Today I created a new page for folks who have found this blog through my Facebook page or some other means, and know me personally.  The page is here.

Today I reached 200 followers.  I am humbled and honored to be part of your world.  Although most of you who follow my blog don’t know me “in real life,” I feel like I know some of you very, very well.  I thought I would make a little mini post so that everyone is aware of the (slight) change.  And yes – my name is Stephanie.  I no longer want to be known as Mrs. Mess!

Sometimes Goodbye is Necessary to Really Live Life

I discovered Pandora radio this week.  I purchased a new car because it was the only way for me to handle the financial loss from the car that Mr. Mess gave back to me.  The $2,000 loss was easier to handle rolled into a new car payment than directly out of my bank account.  Mr. Mess is also going to let me take the entire tax refund to help offset that loss since the other car was his and the options that he added (like the extended warranty and fabric protection) is what made the car more expensive than it was worth.

So, anyways… Back to the story.  My new Chevy Cruze has Pandora radio built into it.  I have never used it before, but once I did I was hooked.  I love the ability to customize radio stations and get new songs added based on my previous preferences.  I’ve even started playing it at my desk because I love it so much.

This morning when I arrived to work I opened up the Pandora Radio page that is pinned to my taskbar.  I switched to my favorite country radio station.  I had it playing softly and half-way listening while I did my work.  Suddenly a Carrie Underwood song came on that I’ve never heard.  I didn’t buy her first CD even though I love her voice.  It just seemed a little religious and there was only one song from the radio on it that I liked.  I have purchased everything she’s put out since she got away from the American Idol record label, though.  Because I have marked a “thumbs up” on several of her songs before, Pandora obviously decided to play some of her older stuff, too.

The song that played this morning is “Starts with Goodbye.”  The lyrics and emotion in the song fit what I was feeling when I made the decision that divorce was the only way I could be happy.  It also made me think of a blogging friend who is struggling with this concept right now.  It’s very, very difficult to let go of your ideas of what life was supposed to be.  It is even harder to realize that the potential you thought you saw just isn’t there.  When I finally came to a point of accepting the truth of my husband, my marriage, and what my life would look like for the next 30 years if I didn’t make a change, I was able to say goodbye.

That was the beginning of my ability to really live my life to its fullest.  That is the day I found my happiness.  It all had to start with a goodbye.

I was sitting on my doorstep
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand
But I knew I had to do it
And he wouldn’t understand 

So hard to see myself without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you’re standing at a crossroad
There’s a choice you gotta make 

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye 

I know there’s a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead just waiting for me
Getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life’s so bitter sweet

I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
 Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye  

Time heals the wounds that you feel
Somehow right now

 I guess it’s gonna have to hurt
I guess I’m gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I’ve loved
To get to the other side
I guess it’s gonna break me down
 Like fallin’ when you try to fly
Sad but sometimes
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

Does anyone else out there know what I mean?  Not just about love or a marriage.  We have to let go of all sorts of things to achieve true happiness.  I will have to let go of not only my marriage, but the hurt and pain and betrayal.  To realize my true potential at work and in life I will have to let go of my self-defeating behaviors and thoughts.  I have to say goodbye to self-doubt, uncertainty, and the fear of failure.  2013 is my year to say goodbye to the things that are holding me back and hello to all that life has to offer!  I hope that’s what 2013 brings for you, too.