Bad News and Continued Birthday Celebrations

The photo above is my dog, Buddy.  He was previously introduced to you all in another post (My Adorable Cocker Spaniel).  That cute, pooped look on his face after a session of tennis ball chasing is a little like how I feel today.  Buddy’s left eye has been really red, and yesterday Mr. Mess took him to the vet.  Unfortunately, we discovered that he has increased intraocular pressure that is pressing on his blood vessels, causing them to be red and inflamed.  It is most likely due to glaucoma.  😦

I didn’t know a lot (okay, really anything) about glaucoma until yesterday.  Now I’m scared.  Glaucoma in dogs and humans is basically the same thing.  In fact, it even uses the same medicine (it felt funny filling a prescription for a dog at a people-pharmacy).  I discovered that glaucoma is caused by increased fluid pressure in the eye, and cocker spaniels are one of the breeds most likely to inherit glaucoma.  According to Wikipedia,

“Glaucoma has been called the ‘silent thief of sight’ because the loss of vision often occurs gradually over a long period of time, and symptoms only occur when the disease is quite advanced.”

Great – now I feel even worse.  If we had somehow been able to catch it earlier, it probably wouldn’t be as bad as it is now.  The scariest part is that there really isn’t a cure.  Again from Wikipedia, “Once lost, vision cannot normally be recovered, so treatment is aimed at preventing further loss.”  The worst-case scenario is that he could lose vision and both of his eyes.  Although only one is affected right now, according to eHow and every other source on the internet:

“…glaucoma can affect one or both eyes, but if a dog has glaucoma in  one eye, the chances are high that the other eye will be affected as well.”

Read more:  Glaucoma in Dogs | eHow.com

I’m going to stop quoting things because I am getting agitated again.  I will just summarize the rest of what I learned last night.  Glaucoma is serious, and possibly the most complicated and expensive disease to treat in dogs.  That, again, is because there is no cure.  We can relieve some of the pressure with eye drops and an ointment, which we have to apply directly to his eyeball, twice per day each with at least 30 minutes in between.

We will be taking him to see a doggy opthamologist (who even knew those existed?) on Monday.  From what I have read, no matter what he will most likely need a surgery.  The type of surgery will depend on how far along things are.  They may be able to open up the drainage area for the fluid, called aqueous humor, to reduce the pressure.  They can also do an “endolaser cyclophotocoagulation” (ECPC) laser surgery if he has enough vision left.  I’m not going to go into the process, but it sounds painful and is definitely expensive.  Other options include removing part or all of his eye and replacing it with an artificial lens or eye.  If he got an artificial lens he still may keep some limited vision.

Buddy is the best pet I have owned in my entire life, and I’ve had quite a few.  I picked him out as a tiny puppy (he peed on my shirt) not long after renting my very first apartment, and have had him ever since.  He is 9 years old now.  He is so sweet, and very gentle.  He loves cuddling (and long walks on the beach LOL).  He actually could be a vegetarian.  He will eat any vegetable, and I mean ANY vegetable, even ones I don’t like.  He is also a bit of a digger (oh well), but mostly to go after the annoying voles in our backyard.  He has these huge paws and an adorable face, and he loves me sooo much.

I know that dogs don’t live forever and pure-breeds usually have health issues, but this kinda hit me out of left field.  He isn’t dying, and they say that dogs adapt very well to not being able to see.  I still wish I could have done something to prevent him from dealing with this.  Apparently glaucoma is very painful, and poor Buddy is probably having migraines.  You just can’t tell when dogs are in pain the same way you can with humans.  He is whining or anything, but he does keep rubbing his eye with his paw.  It makes me sad.

On the other hand, he is probably loving life right now.  He got special food:  wet food that we don’t usually give them, and even people-food (chicken), which he never, ever gets.  He has also been getting tons of treats after eat time we have to put something in his eye.  On top of that, the drops should be working by now to reduce the pressure, so he should be feeling better.  He even got to spend a little time in our bed last night, something I swore to never do.  Pets have always had their own sleeping space and I’ve had mine, but I just wanted to snuggle with him a bit (until he got tired of me and jumped off the bed).  I’m sure he will be fine, I’m just worried for him and for us a bit financially.  I guess it’s good I like to save money so much!

Now for a much lighter topic…  We are finishing up the birthday celebration today.  I made reservations at Morton’s Steakhouse for tonight.  We love going there.  They have the most wonderful steaks, and a fantastic atmosphere.  They always make up special birthday menus and sprinkle confetti all over the table.  We have reserved a booth, which are usually cushy and romantic.  While I’m not feeling especially romantic, I do like to feel special and Morton’s  is definitely good at that.

One of the coolest things, though, is that they are having a special on 2-pound lobsters for $29.99.  Steak and lobster are both on my diet, and my favorite is filet mignon, which they cook to perfection.  It really takes a steakhouse to cook a proper rare steak.  🙂  I’m looking forward to dinner, and there is a special 3-course menu that comes with dessert.  I think I’m going to indulge, and maybe even share a bottle of wine with my husband.  Afterall, I have lost 20 pounds so far and those two pieces of cake on my husband’s birthday didn’t add anything!  I think I deserve a little food therapy tonight.  I will leave you with a picture of my two main men taken a few years back.

Related articles

• American Cocker Spaniel Dogs (dogster.com)
• Cocker Spaniel Dogs (dogster.com)
• January is Glaucoma Awareness Month (prweb.com)
• Loss of Eyesight In Aniamls (gentlepawspetcare.wordpress.com)

Hungry, Hot and Pissy

If you turn that pea into an apple that’s about all I ate yesterday.

That’s how I felt last night.  The hungry part should be self-explanatory considering I’m on a juice cleanse right now.  Yesterday I tried so, so hard to do everything the “right” way.  They said 4 oz. of the special juice 4 times per day, plus 3 snacks.  The program prefers that you use their “snacks” – which I put in quotation marks because they are these big, chalky horse-pill looking things.  It also allows for an apple, 6 raw, unsalted almonds or celery.  I can already cross off celery because I think it is foul.  Just really, really gross.  I can’t even stand the smell.  We had some raw almonds, but they were stale.  Finally, my coach for the program said I should only eat fruit in the mornings.

So yesterday I had the juice, a wonderful Granny Smith apple in the morning and two of those gross wafers things.  Plus lots and lots of water.  All day.  By 6:30 pm or so I was starting to feel light-headed.  Did I mention that I’m also on my period?  Sorry if that’s TMI, but it makes this experience oh-so-much worse.  By the time my husband came home from school I was feeling very weak and tired, and we still had our dialoguing to do.

Thankfully we decided on the dialogue question the day before, which had allowed me to write my answer earlier in the day.  Still, I knew it was far from my best writing.  I was all over the place, struggling to find the words, and could barely think of any analogies or shared memories.  I have never been more grateful that my husband really does seem to understand what I’m feeling, even if my feelings are all over the map.  We managed to get through the dialoguing and even accomplish the goal of relating and connecting to one another.

I don’t hide things very well.  At least not at home.  That is one of the downfalls (and benefits) of being very honest.  Mr. Mess could definitely tell I wasn’t feeling right at all.  I let him in on the light-headed incident from earlier.  He was ready to go tear them a new one – of course, they were closed.  He (smartly) convinced me that having another apple would not be the end of the world or a sign of giving up on the program.  I’m so glad he did!

Not too long after I was entirely worn out and ready to go to bed.  I probably could have gone to sleep at 7:00 pm, but I wanted to dialogue and talk to my husband for a bit.  When we got to the bedroom it was stifling.  We have an older brick rancher that was build sometime in the 60s or 70s (my brain is a little fuzzy right now).  We have an oil furnace and a large AC unit in the den, but there is no central air.  I have had a small window unit for the bedroom since I moved in almost 10 years ago, and it belonged to the owner before me, who left it.  That unit is now on its very last leg.

Usually I remember to turn it on an hour or so before we plan to go to bed.  As I mentioned, my brain is not working so well on this juice-only phase.  Thankfully that only lasts through today, and tomorrow I can go back to the shakes and a 400-600 calorie meal.  Back to the story, though…  I forgot to turn it on, so our room was very hot (it has been in the 90s and 100s for a month or so).  About 30-45 minutes after we laid down our room was still just as sweltering.

I could not go to sleep.  I was tossing and turning, hot, hungry and pissed off.  My period was giving me cramps, my stomach was growling and I was sweating.  I decided to get up and try the couch in the den where the big AC unit was.  My cocker spaniel, who is sweet as can be and who I love so, so much just wouldn’t leave me alone.  He was pacing and panting and being incredibly distracting.  He usually just curls up on a blanket or on the couch and is quiet as can be, which should have been an indicator that something was up.  Again – my brain wasn’t really functioning and I was a hot, pissy mess.

He disappeared to the living room (which coincidently is the room our front door opens into).  All I could think was – I am sooo glad he left me alone.  The lights from the television and various gadgets were annoying, and the noises were driving me crazy – even the ticking of the clock in the kitchen sounded unbearably loud.  I sighed and resigned myself to go back to the bedroom, desperately hoping it would have cooled off at least a little bit.  On the way there I stepped in dog poop.

I turned on the hall light, cursing under my breath, and saw my dog curled up on the tile in front of the door with a guilty look on his face.  I couldn’t be mad.  It was my fault.  I wasn’t paying attention to his signals because I was so caught up in my own self-pity.  I cleaned the floor and my feet, then went back to bed.  The room was still baking and I was still cramping and hungry, but I managed to fall asleep anyway.

Today is a new day, and it is better already.  I realized that I shouldn’t ignore my body’s signals the way I ignored my dog’s.  So far today I feel pretty good.  The hunger isn’t as strong, I’ve eaten my breakfast apple, and if I feel like I need one for dinner I’m going to eat it.  It’s not like I’m talking about an entire chocolate cake or anything!

When I stepped on the scale this morning I had lost 8.5 pounds total.  As my husband reminded me last night, this part of the diet is only temporary.  I should look at that weight column as my motivation.  My clothes are already starting to fit better.  I can see a difference in the mirror, which I’m sure sounds weird considering it’s not really that much weight.  Tomorrow I’m sure that 400-600 calorie meal will seem like the most delicious thing I have ever tasted.  I can’t wait!

Signing Out for the Weekend

I’m gonna take a break from blogging this weekend to just enjoy myself and my husband’s company.  We have gotten some VIP tickets to see Rascal Flatts, Little Big Town, and the Eli Young Band tomorrow night.  We are also attending a friend’s housewarming/ birthday party, although we will have to leave sooner than I wanted in order to get to the concert.  Sunday will probably be a glorious day of doing absolutely nothing.  🙂

After some thoughtful and deep posts this week, I thought I would leave you with a little levity.  I stole these questions from The Other Side of Infidelity who got them from someone else, who also probably got them from someone else, and so on.

81. What’s your favorite action movie?

Hmmm…  I’m not a big fan of the action genre in general, so I have to think about this.  If you had asked me for my favorite movie in just about any other genre I would have one off the top of my head.  Ok, got it!  Taken.  I loved that movie!

83. Do you believe in lust at first sight?

I’m leaving her answer – Hell yes.  What gets referred to as “love at first sight” is just lust at its core.  It’s a bodies chemical reaction more than anything else.

84. Favorite type of venomous snake?

I don’t really have a favorite snake, but if I was forced to pick one that I think is pretty bad ass I would say the cobra.

85. Do you drink alcohol?

Not very often, and even then in moderation.  I have seen too many people do a lot of really stupid things because of alcohol, and alcoholism has touched my family.  I enjoy an occassional glass of wine with my husband when we’re having an evening in.  I don’t like the taste of beer, but those fruity drinks can be dangerous if I’m not paying good attention because they are so yummy.  Now that I’m on antidepressants I have to be even more careful because of the interaction potential.

87. What do you wear to feel sexy?

There are different levels of feeling sexy for me.  Sometimes I feel the sexiest in a simple white tank top and cloth shorts.  Other times I like the feeling of lace and ribbons and the more traditional “sexy” lingerie.  A great pair of boots makes me feel sexy.  The best thing is a well-timed slap on the ass from my husband with a nice, long kiss.  Then it’s more about what I’m taking off than what I’m putting on.

88. Do you like to learn?

Oh my gosh, yes!  If I could be a paid student for the rest of my life I totally would!  Those grants and scholarships aren’t really enough to pay for a mortgage, two cars, insurance, etc., etc., though.  I just LOVE learning!  I am constantly trying to learn new things, expand my horizons, and find out something I never knew before.  I am a fantastic student.  It is something I can say with absolute certainty that I am amazing at.  I am a great writer, I can examine complex subjects, and I enjoy being challenged.  Anything less than a 4.0 GPA was always unacceptable to me.

89. Have you ever been hit on by someone who really overestimated their attractiveness?

Absolutely.  There is nothing more unattractive than someone who thinks they are the most attractive person ever.  That cockiness is a major turn-off.

90. Where did you last go on vacation?

Orlando, Florida with a quick stop-over in Charleston, SC.  I wish we had more time in Charleston!  Orlando was fun, but half of the week I was working.  Disney, commercialism, and beaches really aren’t my thing, but it was a nice little mini-vacation.  I would like a real one that doesn’t involve work soon, though!

91. Dallas (as in J.R. & Bobby) returns this week. What film or TV series would you loved to be resurrected?

I am sad at what happened to Medium, and I also really liked Lie To Me.  I could use a few more tips on how to spot a lie!  I’m just kidding (mostly).  A show that I really loved as a kid?  Little House on the Prairie.  Where is that kind of family series today?  Nowhere.

92. Explain your karma beliefs.

I don’t believe in karma as an actual thing.  I’m not big on spiritual entities of any kind.  I do think that if you live your life in a negative and hurtful way it will come back to bite you in the butt eventually.  Not every good person gets good in return and not every bad person gets bad in return; however, I do think that you are more likely to end up being treated the way that you treat others in the end.

93. When do you think that you have a hard life?

I’m not really sure I understand this question.  It is worded quite strangely.  I have had hard things to deal with in my life, but I don’t think they are necessarily any harder than what every person has to go through at some point.  Pain is the inevitable outcome of living.  What I’ve been going through in the last few years is harder than anything I’ve dealt with before.  I do think that other people have much harder lives than me, though.  I am really lucky.

94. Favorite comic strip?

I never read the comics much.  I do remember one about a mom who was really stressed out.  It had a married couple and some stuff with their kids.  I did a quick internet search and think I found it – For Better Or For Worse by Lynn Johnston.  Appropriate title for what I’m going through, huh?  I think that’s funny!

95. Have you ever broken a heart?

It’s possible, but not very likely.  I went through a few boys in my young teenage years.  None of them could hold my interest very long.  None of them should have gotten their hearts broken, though, because we were never really that serious.

96. Should pot be legalized?

I don’t really know.  I don’t think it will be, though.  There are too many people who really don’t want it to be.  As long as it stays illegal I will be staying away from it.

97. Have you ever gone skinny dipping with someone that you shouldn’t have?

I have never been skinny dipping, so no.

98. What do you do when you’re down?

I have to leave the first part of her answer here, too – Blare music.  Music can almost always make me feel better.  Or it can help me wallow if I want to.  I also tend to eat, especially chocolate.  Or buy stuff.  Or sleep.

99. Last time you were really angry?

I can’t really remember, which must be a good thing.  It was probably about a month ago or so.

100. What is your favorite flavor in general?

Yummy.

Looking Forward to the Weekend

The last few weeks have been incredibly emotionally draining.  Besides all of the thoughts and memories brought up from the D-Day Anniversary I have also been dealing with a lot of stress at work.  I was supposed to be out of town this week at a training, but had to cancel at the last-minute and stay behind because of a “crisis” at work.  All week I have been on and off the phone, multi-tasking like crazy, and generally being all things to all people (even more than usual).  So I am super excited that today is Friday.

Why so excited you may ask?  What fascinating and amazing weekend activities do I have planned?  Absolutely nothing.  Literally.  I did have a semi-fun weekend planned with a trip to a Wine Festival that is about an hour and a half away.  I had two discount admissions courtesy of Groupon that would include souvenir tasting glasses, all the wine we could drink, music, cooking demonstrations, and various other festival-like activities.

Alas, my procrastinating husband has put off yet another school project to the last possible minute.  That means he now has only 2 days to start and finish a project that a good portion of his grade depends on.  Not to mention, he should have already registered for Summer classes but has yet to figure out what classes he should take, what time they are offered, and when and where he needs to go to take the placement test required for math.  Oh – and he also needs to LEARN math so he can pass said test.  Those things combined with new anti-depression medication that doesn’t encourage drinking and the prospect of a rainy weekend has killed my chances of going to the wine festival.  I hope my sister and her boyfriend enjoy it.  Here is what I plan to do now – As little as humanly possible.

I probably should be at least a little upset.  I am frustrated by my husband’s lack of responsibility and general motivation.  But I am learning to let that go.  It is possible that I could be co-dependant and I have definitely been an enabler in the past.  I am trying to move past those things and let him fall on his face or succeed completely on his own, even if that means he ends up with a 70-something.  It sucks.  I don’t like to see others struggling while I sit back and watch with the ability to help them.  It seems cruel.  I also have very high standards and hate it when someone doesn’t live up to their potential.  But apparently that is my co-dependance talking (I’m still not sure how much I buy into that whole thing).  I will go into all that later (probably), but right now I think I’m going to start my weekend early by giving my brain a break from deep thinking.

So, to recap – My husband will spend the weekend basically chained to his computer and a math book.  Meanwhile, I will be perfectly content with the couch, a blanket, and a few good books.  In fact, as an introvert, that sounds like an absolutely perfect weekend to me.