I don’t post here very much anymore because the main topics aren’t relevant to my life anymore. I still read and reply to comments. I still get emails from people going through hell. I continue keeping the blog open because I know what it’s like to feel stuck in an unhealthy relationship. I know how reading other people’s experiences can turn in a light bulb or feel like the first breath of fresh air in ages. I understand needing to hear that what’s happening is not okay and things can (and do) get better when you stop accepting less than.
Those realities are distant memories to me now, though. The person I was when I started this is not the person I am now. That portion of my life feels more like a bad dream than something that really happened. It did happen, though, and this blog serves as a reminder that life is what you allow it to be. I can’t control everything, but controlling the things I can and letting go of the rest can result in pretty amazing things.
So I don’t post often, largely because dwelling in the past doesn’t do anything for me in the present. I will occasionally check in with little updates on where I am and what’s happening. It’s nice for me to celebrate the good that came from all of the bad. This is one of those updates.
I am 24 weeks pregnant. We’re having a little boy who is healthy and active and already immensely loved. I couldn’t be more excited to start this new chapter of my life.
That’s something I couldnt have imagined in the depths of financially supporting an immature, cheating partner. It’s something I couldn’t have done while I was codependent and putting my needs last. I had to learn how to be emotionally healthy. I had to choose a partner who is a partner and be a good one in return.
So, although I don’t check in frequently, know that I’m doing great. I’m still imperfect and a bit of a mess, but it’s a different kind of mess. Soon, it’ll be the kind covered in baby vomit, surrounded by a pile of dirty diapers. And I couldn’t be happier.